My brother and his fiancée have requested my presence as their wedding officiant. The ceremony will take place near the beach in August and will be nonreligious. I want to exude strength and serenity while ensuring that I don’t steal the spotlight from the bride and groom. Please provide guidance! — Kathleen, Columbia, S.C.
First and foremost, congratulations! Being asked to officiate a friend’s or relative’s wedding is a true honor. It is crucial to respect the couple’s wishes and desires, even if they may seem unconventional. For instance, Sean Parker, known for Napster and Facebook, reportedly approached Sir Ian McKellen to officiate his wedding in 2013, which had a “Lord of the Rings” theme and required him to dress as Gandalf. However, since they weren’t friends, Sir Ian had the luxury of declining the request. On the other hand, it would be essential for you to fulfill the couple’s wishes since you have a personal connection with them.
When it comes to deciding what to wear, it is imperative to understand the couple’s preferences. This includes considering the ceremony’s location, the timing, the dress code for guests, any specific colors or themes, and the attire of the wedding party. Every aspect matters. It would not be suitable to wear the same outfit for a beach wedding, a country club wedding, and a backyard wedding. Additionally, evening weddings call for different attire compared to lunchtime weddings, and so on.
Ideally, you should aim to coordinate with the bridesmaids and groomsmen (or bridal party) while avoiding diverting attention from the couple. Officiating a wedding represents a significant responsibility as you guide two individuals in committing to spend their lives together. In theory, at least.
Furthermore, consider your comfort while standing for an extended period without fidgeting or becoming sweaty. You should also be able to perform any necessary gestures, all while being in the spotlight. As you mentioned, you will be front and center during the ceremony, which means you will play a memorable role. No pressure!
A standard option is to wear a dark suit, projecting a serious and ministerial aura. However, if the couple is seeking a nontraditional officiant, they likely desire a more personal touch rather than a generic appearance. It’s essential to take this into account as well.
I sought advice from Charanna Alexander, the weddings editor for The New York Times, who shared some recommendations. She suggests considering a classic jumpsuit, which offers elegance and versatility as a single, dress-up-or-down piece. Another favored option is an A-line midi-dress, which also allows future wear beyond the wedding day.
According to Ms. Alexander, navy is a suitable color choice, and it’s advisable to avoid white or gray shades that may appear too bridal. Additionally, it’s best to avoid large prints and flashy jewelry, which can be distracting. Of course, exceptions can be made with a valid reason. For instance, Maya Rudolph wore a fuchsia dress with prominent blooms when officiating at her cousin’s Miami wedding in 2022, matching the huppah.
When it comes to footwear, it’s wise to opt for wedges, flats, or platforms that provide support. Finally, consult with the couple and seek their approval for your outfit choices. The last thing you want is to surprise them by appearing at the end of the aisle in a “Best Officiant in the World” t-shirt.
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