A recent Kindra-Harris poll conducted in September surveyed menopausal women over the age of 50 about their sex lives, revealing some striking findings. While 70% of the participants reported enjoying penetrative vaginal sex, 41% stated that they experience pain during sex, known as dyspareunia, and nearly one-third of these women continue to engage in sexual activity despite the discomfort. So why is this the case? According to Juliana Hauser, a family and marriage therapist and member of Kindra’s advisory board, many women accept the pain as inevitable and consider sex to be a “duty” that prioritizes their partner’s needs. Additionally, some may be unaware of the medical conditions that can worsen pain during sex, which are often treatable.
For decades, discussions surrounding vaginal health and vulvar pleasure have been suppressed, discouraging women from expressing their needs both in and out of the bedroom. As Dr. Jill Krapf, an ob-gyn and medical adviser to Evvy, explains, many women wait until they experience severe issues before seeking medical assistance.
Fortunately, albeit slowly, the circumstances seem to be changing. The poll indicates that over half of women over 50 now possess a “sexual toolbox” equipped with various products, including lubricants, that prioritize pleasure and facilitate more comfortable sexual experiences.
But what exactly causes pain during sex? The study suggests that pain during sex is more common than people realize, with vaginal dryness being one of the leading causes. This condition affects up to 60% of menopausal women and is typically caused by a loss of estrogen, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Other factors that can trigger pain include uncomfortable sex positions, emotional disconnection or insecurity, and lack of communication. Medically, dyspareunia is associated with conditions such as vaginismus, endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, and urinary tract or sexually transmitted infections.
So, what should be included in a woman’s sexual toolbox? Dr. Krapf and Juliana Hauser emphasize that each sexual toolbox should be tailored to the individual’s specific needs, making it unique to them. However, there are a few items commonly found in most toolboxes, including:
– Lubricant: Lubricants replenish natural vaginal lubrication during sex and can contribute to increased pleasure. There are different types available, such as water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based lubes. It’s important to choose one that suits your body and other tools. Water-based lubes are popular and generally safe.
– Vaginal moisturizer: Unlike lubricants used during sex, vaginal moisturizers are applied regularly to the vulva and surrounding areas to rebuild moisture over time, ensuring readiness for intimacy. Various products, such as CeraVe Healing Ointment, Foria’s Vibrance Everyday Moisturizer, and Stripes’ Vag of Honor Hydrating Gel, can fulfill this purpose.
– Sex toys: Sex toys play a fundamental role in enhancing pleasure, and the options are plentiful. Vibrators and dildos are common staples, but experimentation is crucial in discovering what works best for each individual. Notably, research has shown that almost 37% of American women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, making a clitoral vibrator a great starting point.
– Sensory aids: Engaging all senses during sex is essential for being fully present. Items like candles, comfortable pillows, and textured toys, such as feather teasers, can enhance the experience.
– Condoms: Aside from their role in pregnancy prevention, condoms also protect against STIs, provide extra lubrication, and offer sensory pleasure with ribbed textures. Non-latex options like SKYN Original Condoms are suitable for sensitive individuals.
– Wipes: For those who prefer to freshen up before or after intercourse, Water Wipes are recommended for their gentle and chemical-free composition. These wipes contain only water, without any added fragrances or drying agents.
Although not a tangible item, communication plays a vital role in a sexual toolbox. Openly communicating desires and preferences not only facilitates an enjoyable experience but also ensures that pain and discomfort are avoided. Empowerment and control over one’s pleasure are the underlying benefits of possessing a sexual toolbox. By equipping oneself with the necessary tools, individuals can enhance intimacy, emotional connection, and overall satisfaction in their relationships. Moreover, a sexual toolbox helps alleviate stress and allows individuals to achieve a state of mind conducive to receiving pleasure. Ultimately, having a sexual toolbox is a personal declaration that one’s pleasure matters and is a fundamental aspect of their well-being.
