Twins Join Forces in Raising Their Children, Reaping the Rewards of Strong Bond

• Throughout our lives, my twin brother and I have been inseparable, always remaining the best of friends.
• After I gave birth to my first child, we made the decision to move with our families and live across the street from each other.
• We are committed to raising our children together, forming a close-knit community.

“Aren’t they adorable? Are they twins?”

When people observe my son Julian and his cousin Lyla playing joyfully at the playground, I take a moment to explain, “No, they’re not twins, but their parents are.”

Despite our contrasting skin tones, eye colors, and physical attributes, my twin brother Dan and I unmistakably resemble one another. Our bond is incredibly strong, which led us to raise our children together as closely as possible. In fact, people often mistake our little ones for being twins themselves.

A Lifelong Friendship

Our decision to live and raise our families in close proximity wasn’t part of an elaborate twin plan. Since childhood, Dan and I have always been best friends. However, in our twenties, while Dan explored various places such as Scotland, Massachusetts, Miami, and Albany, my husband and I remained in New York City, settling in different rental apartments within a few miles of our hometown.

As time passed, Dan became serious with his future wife, and in 2016, I welcomed my first child, Mikey. Being a devoted new uncle, Dan returned home. Several years later, anticipating the growth of our families, we discovered apartments on opposite ends of the same street in Manhattan. It was actually Dan who informed us about the availability of our current apartment.

In 2019, both of us became parents once again. Excited about our newfound closeness, we decided to arrange a shared childcare setup using the help of our trusted babysitter, raising our children together for as long as possible.

Unfortunately, our well-intentioned plan was short-lived due to the arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic. We were forced to separate and go into lockdown. The situation was further complicated by my husband’s vulnerable health condition, having just completed chemotherapy, and Dan’s wife, a physician, bravely treating COVID-19 patients. Despite these challenges, living nearby offered a solution. We started meeting up in the park, wearing masks and admiring each other’s babies. When our kids eventually returned to school, we resumed the nanny share arrangement. Through this experience, our little ones developed a profound affection and closeness that surpasses mere cousinship, with my oldest child happily initiating them both into mischief.

A Supportive Family Network

Our strong sense of family extends beyond just Dan and me. My parents currently reside in our previous apartment, and my husband’s sister, who also happens to be the director of our children’s marvelous preschool, moved back to Uptown Manhattan from Brooklyn. We all contribute to babysitting, pickups, drop-offs, and spending quality time at the playground. I humorously refer to our arrangement as a “shtetl” existence, reminiscent of the tight-knit villages our great-grandparents left in Eastern Europe to create a more expansive life in America.

This year, Dan welcomed a second child, concluding the nanny share. Nevertheless, our little ones attend the same school and spend time together afterwards on most days. Admittedly, the proximity of our family sometimes makes me hesitant to explore new friendships or venture outside our neighborhood. There are moments when I feel guilty if one of my kids falls ill and subsequently infects everyone in both families. However, these minor challenges pale in comparison to the enormous benefits our children experience. They have a network of caring adults looking out for them, engaging in playful arguments, and laughing together. They feel a genuine sense of belonging to a larger group beyond just our immediate family. For them, their cousins are companions for life, and it provides me with a sense of security, knowing they will navigate an uncertain world side by side.

Once or twice a week, when my brother and I drop off our kids at preschool, usually arriving late (Aquarians, after all), we take a moment to grab a cup of coffee or stroll a few blocks together. Having my twin as an integral part of my daily life enriches and completes me, and I am confident my children feel the same way.

Sarah M. Seltzer is the Executive Editor of Lilith and the author of “The Singer Sisters,” a novel set to be released by Flatiron in 2024.