During the peak wedding season, it’s not uncommon for the junk drawer of someone with a large family or wide circle of friends to resemble the inside of a swag bag from a newlywed-themed business conference. Items like sunglasses, koozies, matchbooks, bottle openers, and even a golf ball or deck of playing cards bearing cutesy slogans and various dates are all too common. While it’s a nice thought to offer small thank-yous to guests who have spent time, effort and money to join couples on their special day, a wedding planner named Jane Handel confirms via email that guests do not want them.
As someone who is currently planning my wedding, I am inundated with ideas for what to provide to my guests. I’ve often wondered why couples seem to think that their guests would want a commemorative tchotchke from their wedding that takes up space in cabinets and drawers for years to come. While the intentions behind wedding favors are good, those throwing the event may be misjudging what their guests really want.
The wedding industry is happy to provide solutions, and wedding favors are said to date back to 16th-century Europe where the aristocracy gave bonbonnières (small decorative boxes containing various sweets) to their guests. Today, favors can range from bags of coffee to plants and anything in-between. The Knot, a popular wedding planning website, reports that the practice of giving wedding favors has decreased by 21 percent over the past five years due, in part, to many becoming more mindful about sustainability. Charitable donations made by the couple on behalf of their guests are becoming more common, as they are deemed as a more eco-friendly option.
However, research shows that gift-givers tend to misjudge how much people will appreciate socially responsible gifts like donations. Recipients often see them as “more as a signal of what the person is saying about themselves.” Instead, sharing something personalized with guests can build connections. While not all personalized wedding favors are enjoyed equally, they can be viewed as a reflection of the couple sharing their special day with their guests, even if they don’t keep the item.
Ultimately, one does not need to provide a wedding favor at all. Although traditional, the tokens are optional and may even be declining in popularity. As for me, I’m still unsure about what favor to give my guests, or whether to give one at all. While I don’t want to contribute to a landfill, I also don’t want to foist items on my friends and family that they’ll keep only out of guilt. Perhaps a life-size cardboard cutout of myself or a framed copy of this article, signed by me, would be the perfect solution. After all, commemorating the day is what matters most.
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