The Power of Words: How Verbal Abuse Impacts Children
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is a commonly used phrase to teach children that they cannot be harmed by name-calling or verbal abuse. However, this perception is far from the truth. In reality, words are powerful tools that can have lasting effects on a child’s life. Harsh language directed at children can cause significant damage and leave emotional scars that last a lifetime.
It is natural for parents to respond to a misbehaving child by shouting or yelling. Children tend to be forgiving and empathetic towards their parents’ stress. However, we must not deceive ourselves into thinking that verbal intimidation, such as shouting or screaming at children, has no consequences. Humiliation and ridicule can have a profound impact on children.
A recent systematic review on the impact of childhood verbal abuse by adults revealed that over 40% of children are exposed to verbal aggression, hostility, or harsh discipline. For half of these children, this experience occurs at least once a week, and for 10%, it is a daily occurrence. The harmful effects of using words to intimidate and control may not be as obvious as physical threats, but they carry the same risks: low self-esteem, increased substance use, higher likelihood of anxiety, depression, and even psychotic disorders.
Countless studies, including this systematic review, show that exposure to verbal abuse significantly affects children. It is associated with long-term psychological distress, complex emotional and relational difficulties, physical and mental disorders, increased likelihood of entering abusive relationships, and perpetuating the cycle of abuse with others. Even witnessing abusive language between others, such as interparental verbal violence, can have similar detrimental effects on children’s mental and physical health.
Decades of research have proven that authoritarian parenting practices, including both verbal and physical abuse, have detrimental effects on a child’s well-being. The most effective way to counteract the rise of mental disorders in children and young people is to reduce abuse. However, as a society, we often overlook the long-term risks associated with verbal abuse.
From birth, children instinctively rely on adults for survival. They are genetically programmed to trust what adults say and absorb information quickly. When we misuse words to abuse instead of educate, we betray this trust, leaving children isolated and unable to fully benefit from social learning. It is not until later in their lives that children learn to understand irony and realize that adults may not mean what they say literally. Before that, phrases like “you stupid boy” or “you wicked, wicked girl” are taken seriously and contribute to their self-perception as inadequate or bad.
Verbal abuse towards children extends beyond the family environment and is commonly found in educational, sports, and leisure activities. In some contexts, like dance, the culture of body consciousness and body shaming breeds bullying and leaves lasting emotional sensitivities.
If we truly want to teach our children how to behave, we need to show kindness, appreciation, and focus on the positive aspects of their actions. Instead of constantly finding fault, we should be ready to praise their efforts. Punishment has been proven to be ineffective, and excessive use of harsh words undermines attachment, trust, and the potential for future correction.
Supporting parents to provide positive, consistent, rule-based parenting, even with challenging children, is key to preventing antisocial behavior. Praising children for their actions and showing them attention, warmth, and kindness has a significant impact. Harsh words only devalue their efforts and damage the parent-child attachment. For example, the janitor in my old apartment building could have praised and encouraged me for wiping my feet instead of using threatening language. This positive approach would have motivated me to keep the stairs clean.
It is crucial to build the minds of children rather than attempting to repair them later on. By creating a nurturing and supportive environment, we can help children grow into emotionally resilient individuals.
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