Ever since I stopped reaching out first, my life has become more peaceful. My mother instilled in me the importance of treating people with kindness and forgiving them instantly, even without an apology. She believed that making mistakes is part of being human. As I grew older, I took my mother’s mantra to heart and did everything I could to make others feel valued and wanted in my life. I became a pathological people pleaser, always putting others before myself.
If someone needed someone to talk to, I would stop whatever I was doing to listen. If someone needed help with printing documents, I would push through my tiredness to assist them. I prided myself on being a dependable friend, always there when needed. I didn’t want others to see me as selfish, so I gave my time, effort, and support without expecting anything in return. I would text people to check up on them and keep the connection alive, even if we were physically apart. I was so emotionally attached to these friendships that I didn’t mind making the first move; I just didn’t want to be left alone.
But one day, I came across a Facebook post that said, “he would if he wanted to.” It struck a chord with me. Our actions speak volumes about how much we care for others. And suddenly, it hit me – no one was willing to go the extra mile for me the way I did for them. Nobody would take the initiative to ask me how I was doing. I had given so much kindness without expecting anything in return, but a little reciprocation wouldn’t have hurt. I understood that everyone is busy with their own lives, struggling to survive in this game called life. But even a heart that always understands gets tired.
Unfortunate events can change the way we see people forever. It may sound sad, but it’s the reality. I became exhausted from being ignored while simultaneously seeing them socialize on their phones and Instagram stories. When I suggested going on a trip together, they claimed they didn’t have the money. Yet, a week later, they planned a farewell party for someone moving away. It was painful to convince someone to do something with me only to see them willingly do it with others. This hurt me deeply. I just wanted people who would meet me halfway without me having to ask. They were capable of it, just not for me.
My mother was right about forgiving instantly being easy, but she didn’t warn me about the lingering pain. I had no idea that memories could unexpectedly resurface, even when I thought I had moved on. Sometimes, they would visit me in my dreams, and I would find myself apologizing for feeling hurt. Being excessively kind only drained me, and I grew tired of it. I realized that sometimes, we need to remove ourselves from certain situations. So, I stopped making myself readily available to everyone. I started setting boundaries and found comfort in embracing solitude. Peace became more important to me than unnecessary noise. I shifted my focus onto myself and became grateful for what I had and the few individuals who chose to stay in my life.
When I reflect on those who are no longer a part of my life, my heart no longer aches. I may have started healing from the scars they left behind, scars that went unnoticed. Without any explanation, things eventually got better. The things that once consumed my energy and thoughts no longer had power over me. I woke up one day and realized that I was no longer upset. It was a bittersweet realization that opened my eyes, not just for me but for others who have gone through similar experiences. We can’t force others to love us or understand us the way we want them to. Not everyone is capable of thinking or feeling as deeply as we do. We don’t have to beg for love and understanding because the right people will willingly give it to us.
So, I hope we always have the strength to walk away from people who fail to acknowledge and value our worth. It’s important to recognize that our love and ourselves are deserving of appreciation. Mariel Mariz B. Calimbo, a 19-year-old sophomore at Visayas State University, understands the power of self-worth and the importance of surrounding oneself with those who reciprocate love and kindness.
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