- Emotional dysregulation is defined by struggling to gain control over intense feelings.
- It’s an overlapping trait in disorders like ADHD, autism, and borderline personality disorder.
- Two therapists shared how to tell if you struggle with emotional dysregulation.
Signs of Emotional Dysregulation
Most people have a moment in their lives where they wish they reacted better. But if you find yourself frequently blowing up, there might be more going on than being “hot-headed.” It could be that you’re dealing with emotional dysregulation.
Broadly speaking, emotional dysregulation is “great difficulty with or an inability to gain control over intense feelings,” Dr. Carla M. Shuman, a clinical psychologist, told Insider.
She said it’s a key trait in common psychiatric and developmental disorders like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
While ADHD, BPD, and autism are different diagnoses, Shuman said, they all impact an area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, which controls our impulses and emotions.
Shuman and Dr. Lara Honos-Webb, a clinical psychologist, shared five of the most common signs of emotional dysregulation.
1. Your reactions feel disproportionate to the trigger
While it’s healthy to experience and express anger and frustration, Shuman said that what makes emotional dysregulation different is “the person’s reaction is way more intense than the situation calls for.”
For example, if someone cuts you in line, it’s understandable to be agitated or to call the person out. But if you’re emotionally dysregulated, Shuman said you might start screaming or cursing them out — even after the person already left.
2. It takes you a while to calm down
When you’re emotionally dysregulated, negative feelings linger, and you don’t quickly bounce back from a racing heartbeat or spinning thoughts.
For someone who struggles with emotional dysregulation, getting back to a baseline state “can take away a lot of time from their day,” Shuman said.
Obviously, there’s no universal, agreed-upon time to get over an annoyance. But if you find yourself frequently being swept up in your moods, to the point where they distract you from your work, social life, or responsibilities, emotional dysregulation might be to blame.
3. Your reactions damage your relationships
Besides disrupting your own life, emotional dysregulation can seriously wreck or impair your relationships.
Shuman said that people around an emotionally dysregulated person often feel like “they’re walking on eggshells because they never know when the person is going to go off.”
This dynamic often leads to issues at work, fractured family relationships, distant friendships, and breakups.
4. You’re frequently embarrassed by your actions
Shuman said that even though “they may try to justify their behavior,” emotionally dysregulated people almost always feel embarrassed, ashamed, or remorseful after a blow-up.
A big clue is if you find yourself often wondering why you reacted the way you did or worrying how others perceive you now that things have settled.
5. You avoid things because you’re scared of how you’ll react
Emotional dysregulation isn’t always defined by yelling. In fact, Shuman said, “avoidance is a huge part of trying to prevent dysregulation.”
This might include dodging situations where you worry you might lose emotional control.
Honos-Webb said that this “fear and self-doubt can lead a person to avoid social interactions,” such as dating. She added that it can also lead to a cycle of withdrawing from others, which leads to feeling left out. Eventually, this can increase your sensitivity to perceived rejection, which can prompt more emotional dysregulation.
Shuman said that treatment for emotional dysregulation often involves prescribed medication which can help make it easier to adapt coping strategies. Specialized therapies, like dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) can also be helpful, according to Shuman and Honos-Webb.
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