The dinner party, an event that has managed to resurrect itself multiple times in my lifespan, is now facing a grave situation. It seems that the patient is in intensive care and may not survive to enjoy another lasagne or even a small bowl of olives. Nigella Lawson, our beloved culinary icon, has also stopped hosting them, which means the rest of us must follow suit. We are now embracing “picky bits” and a buffet-style spread instead.
But how did we reach this point? Why did we stop inviting friends over for meals? I believe the decline started when people began associating the word “binge” with TV rather than food. The allure of Breaking Bad versus dealing with a mountain of dishes was undeniable. And then COVID-19 came along, making us accustomed to cooking only for ourselves or for the select individuals we were quarantined with. This has led to the erosion of a certain kind of social interaction for many. Others may still keep their doors open, but guests should expect nothing more than some fancy ham slices and a glass of wine. Nigella is right.
We are all moving towards embracing “picky bits” now, although I prefer the term “salty snacks,” as I find myself constantly rushing to the corner shop to satisfy my cravings. In the past, the Walk of Shame referred to the journey home from a man’s house in the clothes from the night before. Now, it’s a brisk sprint down our street, clutching a family-sized bag of fluorescent orange, cheese-flavored delights.
If dinner parties do become extinct, I will mourn their passing. I enjoy hosting them and relish being invited to them. Furthermore, what would our culture be without these grand occasions? Plays, films, and books would lack the awkwardness over hors d’oeuvres, and future diarists would have nothing to write about except for undercooked pork at famous people’s residences.
Even bad dinners provide entertainment, as Laurie Colwin astutely points out in her book, Home Cooking. There’s something oddly triumphant about a truly abominable meal that lingers in your memory, radiating a peculiar brilliance. Colwin herself experienced such memorable meals, like a casserole with half-cooked rice, pineapple rings, and sausages served by a glum, genius-looking person in London. She also had a stargazy pie in Hampstead that substituted a squid for an eel and was flavored with galangal for an added medieval touch. She found both occasions enriching, and I would have undoubtedly shared her enthusiasm. My eyes would have gleamed even brighter than Vanessa Bell’s.
However, I realize that sharing these anecdotes may not encourage you to revive your own entertaining endeavors. Fear, which may have existed even before COVID-19, has only grown stronger. So let me instead offer some guidelines for a brave new world beyond picky bits: Start small by inviting one or two close friends and serving them something more than beans on toast. Grilled bread is a trendy choice.
Never, ever experiment with a new recipe when you have guests. I made the mistake of serving a chicken dish scented with rosewater to a friend and his new girlfriend, and it was absolutely dreadful. It tasted like meat Turkish delight. Years later, they got married, and I was not invited to their lavish wedding where a famous poet recited.
Skip the starter and buy a fancy dessert instead. Visit a high-end bakery or break the cycle by serving that fancy box of macarons that someone once gifted to you. It might bring you good luck. For main courses, take inspiration from Colwin and keep it simple with a salad, potatoes, and protein like chicken, salmon, or tuna. Voila! You’re halfway to creating a Nigella-style buffet spread.
Do all of this because you genuinely want to reconnect with and cherish your friends. Let the longing for late-night conversations drive your actions. Don’t host for any other reason. And if something does go wrong, refrain from apologizing unnecessarily. They might not have even noticed, and remember to set the mood with candlelight.
Know that while the dinner party may be facing its demise, there are still ways to recreate the magic and joy of shared meals.
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