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Throughout my adult life, my peers and I have strived to exude an air of high-energy professionalism while wearing trouser suits. However, unfortunately, I have noticed a troubling trend where personal hardships are increasingly being revealed in the workplace.
Dealing with sick or elderly parents, personal health issues, encounters with rebellious teenagers, and struggles in relationships are almost inevitable as we reach middle age. As individuals who work with words at the FT, we have debated the best metaphor to describe this constellation of crises that seems to strike during this stage of life. When immersed in the chaos, does it feel more like a frantic game of whack-a-mole or an incessant bin-fire?
To me, this barrage of challenges in mid-life resembles a sadistic video game, where just as the path clears for a moment, another catastrophe comes hurtling into view. Any aspiring gaming entrepreneurs reading this are welcome to use the concept for free – perhaps it could be marketed as “Call of Duty: Middle Age”? It is a perilous navigation through treacherous terrain, followed by multiple collisions. However, my colleagues and I do not compete to rank our traumas; in this game, winning means losing.
Nevertheless, the abandonment of professional poise in favor of open confessions and displays of empathy has become the norm. We have become entirely transparent – the constant onslaught of challenges has left us with little energy for anything other than our work. Maintaining appearances, let alone a stiff upper lip, is out of the question.
This mutual support among colleagues is immensely valuable. It likely contributes to our overall health and prolongs our ability to work. A recent Australian study of women aged 45 to 70 discovered that those who had friends at work and good relationships with their colleagues were less likely to develop common diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, and even cancer. After the difficulties brought on by the Covid pandemic, these friendships, both old and new, feel particularly nourishing.
However, we are still unaware of the nature and extent of the consequences when we openly discuss personal struggles in the office. Could revealing our vulnerabilities during a crisis lead to negative career repercussions once the storm has passed? What if our work friendships cannot handle the weight of our burdens?
As for managers, they face a dilemma of balancing sympathy with the need to fulfill their duties. The show must go on, and work must come first. It is no coincidence that traditional management training includes a section on offering support, providing a tissue for those who need to cry, and swiftly redirecting the conversation to work matters.
In today’s workplace, there is an emphasis on humanity. Phrases like “bring your whole self to work” and “radical candor” encourage the expression of emotions rather than suppressing them. This shift seemed refreshing before the pandemic, as it allowed individuals to escape the suffocating conformity of the corporate world. “I am not like you, so don’t expect me to pretend” serves as a valid response to outdated and exclusive formalities.
However, we now face a different problem – an overwhelming amount of information. Workers at all levels continuously share personal emergencies and revelations. Performance reviews since Covid have become minefields of medical updates and crises related to childcare and elderly care. With so many of us withdrawing or struggling due to illness or caregiving responsibilities, especially among those over 50, managing a team has transformed from a typical white-collar job into the task of maintaining morale in a trench filling with muddy water. The burden on managers is too great, and our colleagues bear witness as our carefully crafted and competent personas crumble before their eyes.
This situation is not sustainable. Employees need tailored support for these challenging times, and managers require assistance in dealing with the chaos. Meanwhile, my latest concern is that I have become one of those individuals whom it is dangerous to ask, “How are you?” because I might actually tell you.
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