I discovered my claustrophobia, a fear of small spaces, during a nighttime bus ride in Cambodia. The lack of airflow triggered me, prompting me to confront my fear by trying a sensory-deprivation tank. While the experience was uncomfortable at first, I eventually felt weightless and relaxed.
I learned about my claustrophobia at the age of 28, while on a night bus in Cambodia. It was during this journey that I realized my fear of small spaces, as I experienced feelings of suffocation and entrapment. Through therapy, I uncovered that my claustrophobia stemmed from a traumatic incident at the age of 15 when I was raped in a hotel bathroom. Now, whenever I find myself in crowded elevators or struggling to unlock a bathroom door, I feel that familiar sense of panic set in.
To confront my fear, I actively seek out experiences that involve small spaces. I’ve taken hot-air-balloon rides in various locations such as Teotihuacan, Mexico; Cappadocia, Turkey; Luxor, Egypt; and Mesa, Arizona. I even flew in an ultralight plane over a sinkhole in Chiapas, Mexico. Surprisingly, none of these situations triggered my claustrophobia. I realized that the open air in these experiences provided a sense of airflow, which alleviated my fears. Recently, I rode in a helicopter along the coast of Los Angeles, and although the cabin was larger than the ultralight plane, the enclosed space made me anxious during takeoff. However, once the air conditioning started to flow, I began to relax, and my claustrophobia remained at bay. This gave me the confidence to take on something more intense: a sensory-deprivation tank.
A sensory-deprivation tank is a soundproof tank filled with a shallow layer of saltwater. The reduced environmental stimulation allows the body to effortlessly float. Personally, I’ve always found peace while floating in bodies of water like the sea, lakes, or pools. However, my claustrophobia prevented me from trying a float tank earlier since it involved closing the tank entirely, eliminating any external sounds. But I decided it was time to give it a chance.
In preparation for the float tank experience, I mentally prepared myself. Over the past year, I have been microdosing with psilocybin mushrooms to cope with stress. These mushrooms have a calming effect on me, so I decided to take a dose before my float tank session. As I watched the second season of “And Just Like That,” I saw Miranda abandon her float session due to anxiety about moving to Los Angeles. This made me worry that I might do the same and I hoped the mushrooms would help me push through.
When I arrived at Pause Studio for my flotation therapy, I made sure to inform the attendant about my claustrophobia. He assured me that I had complete control over the experience – I could exit the tank whenever I wanted, keep the lid slightly open, and leave the lights and music on if I wished. This sense of control made me feel safe, especially after testing how easily I could open and close the lid.
As I entered the pod-shaped tank, I consumed some psilocybin-infused gummies, which quickly brought about a sense of ease. I was determined to embrace the restorative experience step by step. I started by standing in the 10-inch-deep water and experienced the unique sensation of the dense Epsom salt mixture against my skin.
Next, I laid down and closed the lid, but I left on the gentle blue light and soothing sound-bowl music. The feeling of effortlessly floating in the water brought me immense joy. However, I still felt some anxiety about being enclosed in the tank, and I could hear my heart pounding. To calm my nerves, I practiced a four-part breathing exercise.
Originally, I had hoped for an hour of stillness, silence, self-reflection, and meditation. But instead, restlessness overtook me. I used the excess energy to do gentle yoga stretches in the water, finding that performing poses while floating felt ethereal.
Halfway through the session, discomfort started to set in. The lack of airflow caused the water and the pod to become warmer. I tried to ignore this sensation, but when it became too much, I took a quick cold shower in the room to cool down. Instantly, I felt better and regained control over the situation. When I returned to the tank, I left the lid slightly cracked open to allow air to flow in, which helped alleviate my nerves.
Despite the moments of discomfort, the overall experience felt liberating. When the music chimed to indicate the session’s end, I felt genuinely disappointed. Being submerged in the water had always been healing for me, and I thoroughly enjoyed the womb-like experience. Despite my restlessness, I benefited from the sensory-deprivation tank, experiencing relief from physical soreness and pain.
After leaving the spa, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy, perhaps due to the lingering effects of the mushrooms or the anxiety-reducing nature of the float tank. Although I didn’t achieve a deep meditative state or lose all sensation of my body, I did feel weightless and relaxed. The next day, while on a 12-hour flight to Tokyo, I noticed a significant decrease in my claustrophobia. While one session didn’t completely eliminate my fear, the positive effects I experienced encouraged me to give it another try.
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