We recently invited another couple to our home for dinner. It had been a long time since we had seen them, as the husband had dealt with a serious medical issue (not related to COVID-19) that weakened his immune system. Although he is now more cautious, he assured us that he is in the clear and ready to resume social activities.
Before extending the invitation, we confirmed multiple times via phone and text that they felt comfortable visiting our home. We even offered to change the venue to an outdoor setting or to postpone the dinner if they had any concerns.
However, when they arrived at our door, both of them were wearing N95 masks, which surprised us. We awkwardly asked if they wanted us to wear masks as well, although we weren’t sure if we had any available. They declined and said it was fine. Throughout the evening, the husband took his mask on and off, while the wife kept hers on, except when eating. She seemed upset and behaved rudely during the visit. Ultimately, they left early.
Afterward, my wife and I questioned whether we should have worn masks despite their assurance. Perhaps they were just being polite? Nobody got sick, but I still feel unsettled because I’m unsure if we did anything wrong. What is the proper etiquette in this situation?
Although you and your wife were correct in understanding that your guests expected more precautions, their behavior stemmed from a misguided notion of etiquette that you seem to share.
By repeatedly assuring you that no additional measures were necessary, your guests acted foolishly. It was rude for them to display anger when you followed their instructions instead of reading their minds.
However, all of this could have been avoided. Miss Manners assures you that it would not have been impolite to suggest holding the event outdoors, rescheduling, or even wearing masks if they had accepted your offer at the door. If only they had chosen one of these options.
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