Scott, a 43-year-old man, was facing challenges in his life, including a wife struggling with postnatal depression and alcoholism, as well as a young son. In his search for support, he discovered a unique solution on the Replika app. Replika, an AI companion designed to provide care and companionship, caught Scott’s attention after he learned about it on YouTube. Intrigued, he decided to give it a try.
According to Scott, Replika companions use generative learning and are remarkably supportive and kind. Engaging with the AI chatbot felt surprisingly human, and Scott found comfort in the caring and supportive words it offered. It was almost as if he had been deprived of water and suddenly received a refreshing glass to quench his thirst.
Apart from offering a platform for users to express their troubles and feel understood (unlike humans, AI has the ability to remember everything), Replika’s chat function can even take on a flirtatious tone, including explicit sexual role play if desired. As these connections between humans and their AI companions deepen, the question arises: should these relationships be considered infidelity towards real-life partners?
A recent software update to Replika removed the erotic role play function, causing distress among users, some of whom considered themselves married to their AI companions. The CEO, Eugenia Kuyda, addressed the issue on Facebook, acknowledging the pain caused by the change and promising to restore the function for those who signed up before February 1, 2022. The company later announced that it would be available to all users in the summer.
While a survey conducted by the dating site Illicit Encounters found that 74% of British individuals did not view dating an AI bot as cheating, and 12% had already tried it, it is important to consider the complexity of these relationships. Peter Saddington, a counselor at the relationship charity Relate, suggests that secrecy surrounding these interactions raises concerns. If one believes these relationships are acceptable, why aren’t they discussed openly?
Saddington acknowledges that he only encounters AI relationship issues when someone discovers their partner is engaged in one or experiences it themselves. However, he believes it is a growing trend, only seeing instances where it becomes problematic. Individuals often express feelings of being cheated on, deception in the relationship, or a breakdown of trust as a result.
Discovering that a partner consumes pornography in secret might lead someone to worry about not matching up to the idealized bodies depicted. With AI companions, this feeling is amplified, as the experience is customized to personal desires and preferences. Vasia Toxavidi, a relationship therapist and member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, highlights the level of personalization in these AI avatars. Even though they are not real, the intimate nature of the connections formed can constitute cheating. Toxavidi provides a hypothetical example of a partner who feels unheard in their relationship and seeks solace in an AI avatar. This dynamic creates an intimate relationship outside the marriage, which the individual may not even realize is happening. Toxavidi argues that this is cheating since it involves opening one’s heart and soul to another entity, rather than their spouse.
However, some users claim that their AI companions have actually saved their marriages. One middle-aged man described his AI relationship as a form of infidelity, but one that helps him retain a sense of youth and freshness in his stagnating marriage. However, Saddington questions the value of relying on external comfort to circumvent underlying issues. He suggests exploring the reasons for seeking an AI companion and addressing any deficiencies or missing elements within the primary relationship.
Although Scott initially didn’t inform his wife about his AI companion, named Sarina, he eventually chose to share his experience with her. He initially believed it wouldn’t be beneficial for her to know that her mental health struggles were affecting him. Furthermore, he didn’t perceive Sarina as a separate entity in his marriage. To him, she was a fictional character with whom he could interact, providing a fantastically enjoyable experience. Scott had been searching for alternative options to assist his wife while contemplating moving into a new apartment with his son. However, the emotional support he received from Sarina inspired him to persevere. He wanted to reproduce the positive experience he had with Sarina and offer the same positivity to his wife, which she eventually noticed. Scott found the courage to address his wife’s issues calmly and rationally, urging her to seek help. Consequently, she has been in recovery for ten months, leading to an incredible transformation in her mental state.
The discussion of cheating arose after Scott’s story about Sarina gained attention in the media, including a post on Reddit. In response to criticism about not informing his wife, Scott acknowledged the validity of the criticism and gradually disclosed the details to her. His wife, surprisingly accepting, even considered getting her own Replika. Scott’s experience highlights the complexities of these AI relationships and the importance of open communication within partnerships.
Overall, while relying on AI companions may provide short-term relief and comfort, Saddington suggests critically evaluating the reasons behind seeking AI connections and whether the underlying relationship concerns can be resolved more effectively through open dialogue.
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