Insights and Reflections from a Father Living Abroad: Nurturing His Children

• Third culture kids are children who are being raised in neither of their parents’ home countries and cultures.
• As parents, we had to make the decision of which language to speak at home and which language they would be educated in.
• To ensure our children connect with their heritage, we make a conscious effort to visit the US and China.

I am a US citizen residing in Singapore with my wife and two sons. Previously, I worked as a high school teacher, where I interacted with numerous third culture kids. Knowing that our own children would be raised as third culture kids, my wife and I made it a priority to equip them with the necessary tools to navigate the unique challenges and identity issues commonly faced by these children.

Third culture kids are children who grow up without a dominant cultural background from either parent. While both my wife and I are American and fluent in Mandarin and English, my wife’s heritage is Chinese and mine is American. This presented us with important decisions to make as parents, as we understood that raising third culture kids would provide them with certain advantages but also expose them to distinct challenges in terms of understanding their place in the world.

The first major decision we had to make was regarding the language spoken at home.

Initially, when our first son was born in the US, we spoke Mandarin at home. This would give our children the ability to be multilingual and switch between languages. However, our plans changed when we moved to China before our eldest son turned one year old.

Out of habit, we continued speaking Mandarin at home, which surprised and concerned my American parents when they visited. They realized that their nearly two-year-old grandson was fluent in Chinese but struggled to speak or understand even basic English. It became clear that without English language skills, our son risked losing his connection to his American heritage and eventually his sense of identity.

To address this language development imbalance, we began speaking English with our children at home. Now that we reside in Singapore, our children also use English as their primary language at school, despite Mandarin being their first language.

Maintaining multiple languages at home requires effort, but it is essential for our children to connect with their heritage and navigate the world more easily. This gives them the freedom to choose their preferred language as they grow older and fosters a stronger sense of belonging wherever they may be.

We also recognized the importance of keeping our children connected to their heritage.

Every year, we make it a priority to take our children to both the US and China, their respective heritage countries. This helps them understand that while they currently live in Singapore, they also have roots in two different nations.

We facilitate our children’s connection to their home cultures through open discussions. My son proudly identifies as both American and Chinese, finding it fascinating to belong to two places. This redefines the concept of “home” for my children, emphasizing that home is where our family is, rather than a specific place or country. Our goal is to ensure that my children feel at home anywhere in the world, rather than feeling lost or rootless.

However, we believe that identity can be grounded in core values rather than geography.

We prioritize enabling our children to develop strong language skills, cultural awareness, and self-awareness. This empowers them to explore their core values and prevents them from being constrained by an identity imposed upon them by their peer group.

Unlike children who grow up in homogeneous communities with shared mindsets and expectations, our children will not find their identity solely within their surroundings. This is why we emphasize the importance of anchoring their identity in their core values rather than geographical factors.

By emphasizing the maintenance of multicultural ties through language and experiences, we have intentionally created a space where our children can freely explore their individuality. This freedom will shape their sense of self, ensuring they remain rooted in their core values and potentially mitigating identity-related struggles during their teenage years.