- I had to tell my son Jacob every day for 30 minutes how and why he needed to brush his teeth.
- Eventually I got tired of it and told him it was his decision, and I wasn’t going to get involved.
- He started brushing his teeth four times a day when I gave him space to make his own choice.
“Jacob, it’s your mouth, and if you want to brush your teeth, that would be great, and I would rather you don’t learn the hard way like I did with having cavities. But you are a big boy; you decide what you want to do.”
This is what I told my 7-year-old son after wondering why I was wasting another 30 minutes of our lives having the same old discussion we have had for years on why it is important to brush our teeth. I didn’t expect it to change his attitude towards brushing, but I was surprised when it did.
Up until then, I had basically begged him to brush
For years, I have cajoled, explained, and begged him to brush his teeth. I have proposed extra visits to the dentist so that he can explain to him the importance of brushing. I’ve shown my son videos of what happens when you don’t brush your teeth and of the needles filled with Novocain that numb a person’s mouth if they need a cavity filled.
We have talked about the experience of several of his friends who have had over a dozen fillings. I have tried a myriad of other tactics, including positive encouragement to get my son to brush his teeth without him being told endlessly — but with no meaningful progress.
According to the National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research, in a 2011 to 2016 study, about 50% of kids aged 6 to 8 had cavities.
“I think every child is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution,” Alyssa Levin, a dentist at North Valley Orthodontics in Phoenix, Arizona, said.
“Some kids like to brush their teeth to the beat of a favorite song. Some kids will respond to brushing their teeth side-by-side with you, their favorite role model. For others, it is really probing into why they don’t like to brush their teeth and trying to address their needs or fears; it might be as simple as trying a different toothpaste,” Levin said.
I had tried everything
Over the years, I have tried different toothpastes and brushes that whirl and do everything but brush themselves, yet the same discussions continued.
Erica Komisar, a psychoanalyst from New York City, said, “I would say that incentivizing works better than scare tactics. So, even bribery on a small level can work. For instance, if they want a new toy for each time they brush their teeth, they get a star or a dime in a jar toward that new toy.”
That night, after telling my son it was up to him to brush his teeth, I basically threw the towel in — but I was in for a big surprise. A moment later I heard my son say these magical words.
“Can you please put toothpaste on my toothbrush?” Jacob asked.
“What?” I responded and walked back into the bathroom.
“Yes, I am going to brush my teeth four times a day. Brushing is good for me.” He said, smiling.
I admit I nearly fell over. “Excellent choice. What made you decide to do this?” I asked.
He responded, “Because you gave me space to make up my own mind.”
While I am convinced the years of my endless information campaigns on brushing one’s teeth and the benefits of it made an impact, I realized then that sometimes it is best to step back in order to move forward.
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