High school senior has no desire to complete degree

I am struggling to make him understand the benefits of obtaining a high school diploma, which would open doors for work opportunities, travel, or further education in a trade or community college.

A: Thank you for reaching out. It can be intimidating when your child is considering dropping out of high school, especially when they are near the end of their education. It’s normal to feel a lack of control and resort to desperate measures. However, it’s important to approach the situation calmly and thoughtfully.

The first step is to empathize with your son. Nobody likes to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or excluded. It’s unlikely that he chooses to feel this way, and there may be underlying issues such as an undiagnosed learning disorder or long-standing difficulties that leave him feeling trapped. Creating an empathetic connection with your son is crucial. Listening to his feelings and validating them will not worsen the situation. In fact, by allowing him to express his frustrations without judgment, he may become more receptive and cooperative. Show genuine curiosity, compassion, and empathy.

Listening attentively is a powerful tool. Find a calm moment and ask your son to elaborate on his concerns about the upcoming school year, including waking up early and doing homework. Be patient and give him time to express his thoughts. Silence may be uncomfortable, but it allows for deeper reflection. Avoid interrupting or offering solutions. By providing a safe space for him to communicate, he may start to feel more at ease.

When your son complains, actively listen and reflect back on what he’s saying. This demonstrates your genuine engagement, rather than imposing your own opinions. Take note of his concerns. Maybe waking up early isn’t the main issue, but rather the difficulty of certain homework assignments. By refraining from jumping to conclusions or offering immediate solutions, you increase the likelihood of uncovering his true worries and problems. Effective listening can open the door to solutions, ideas, and ultimately, a sense of hope.

Once you have a better understanding of his concerns, you can start finding small solutions. Focus on one aspect at a time, whether it’s addressing morning routines or exploring ways to improve homework completion (such as seeking help from teachers, tutors, or friends). Incorporate small rewards to maintain motivation. Consider allowing him to explore job opportunities related to his interests, while emphasizing the long-term benefits of a high school diploma. Collaborate closely with the school counselor to develop a schedule that engages your son. Additionally, you can gather information about the consequences of dropping out and the requirements for obtaining a GED, treating him as a young adult rather than an adolescent to control.

Throughout this process, it’s essential to acknowledge and celebrate small victories. Your son may have low self-esteem when it comes to learning, so continuous support and validation are crucial. Create opportunities for fun and laughter in your relationship. Remember to take it one day at a time and seek support from other caring adults. Have faith that with patience and love, the situation will improve. Lastly, ensure you have a support system of friends and loved ones to help you through this difficult time. Watching someone you love struggle can be challenging, and you deserve support and understanding. Best of luck.