From the young age of 11, Rebecca harbored a strong desire to attend Oxford University. Coming from a working-class background and attending a state school, her aspiration seemed like a distant dream. However, when a teacher mentioned the possibility of admission, Rebecca knew it was the path she wanted to pursue. In 1999, she enrolled at Hertford College to study human sciences, along with only two other students, one of whom was Clare.
Unlike Rebecca, Clare didn’t have a predetermined plan for university. Initially considering studying English, she felt it was too self-indulgent and decided to take a gap year. Ultimately, Clare applied to Hertford College due to its reputation for welcoming state school students. During freshers’ week, while on a library induction tour, she stumbled upon Rebecca in the same section, leading her to suspect they were classmates. Although Rebecca initially appeared skeptical and unfriendly, their friendship quickly blossomed in the following days.
Rebecca explains that she was initially skeptical due to past experiences of being bullied by girls and mostly befriending boys. However, she found Clare to be intelligent, caring, and fun, and was immediately drawn to her. Clare, feeling somewhat intimidated by university life, greatly appreciated Rebecca’s instant support. Rebecca set a positive and collaborative tone for the group, emphasizing mutual assistance instead of competition, which diverged from Clare’s previous academic experiences. Their shared course fostered a team-like bond between them.
After completing their undergraduate degrees, Clare ventured off to Berlin to work as an au pair, while Rebecca pursued a master’s degree in epidemiology at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. Despite the physical distance, they maintained their friendship through letter writing, which had always been a significant part of their relationship.
Later, when Clare decided to pursue a PhD at Cambridge, Rebecca followed suit. While further education came naturally to Rebecca, Clare found herself questioning her choice and battling mental health challenges. Rebecca played a pivotal role in supporting Clare through these struggles, being a stable and supportive presence in her life. Clare ultimately left her PhD to pursue a career as a gardener, and Rebecca wholeheartedly encouraged her decision. The friends have always respected and celebrated each other’s choices, without passing judgment.
Clare, now residing in Kent, has ventured into creative pursuits such as writing and aerial hoop performing. Rebecca, on the other hand, remained in Cambridge and embarked on a research career, currently managing a quantum computing startup.
In addition to their diverse careers, Rebecca and Clare have different approaches to relationships. In her early 30s, Rebecca decided to explore non-monogamous relationships, embracing polyamory and valuing honesty in her romantic endeavors. Clare has always supported Rebecca in this aspect, understanding the unique challenges it presents.
Both women have chosen not to have children, allowing them to dedicate ample time to their friendship. While Clare yearned for children in her younger years, her perspective shifted as she grew older. Rebecca, although not desiring children either, made it clear that she would support Clare if she decided otherwise.
Clare describes Rebecca as an awe-inspiring force of nature, radiating a contagious enthusiasm and capacity for fun. She carries out every endeavor with immense heart and passion. According to Rebecca, their friendship surpasses any romantic partnership she has experienced, as she has entrusted Clare with her deepest secrets and vulnerabilities. Their bond is built on trust and brings immeasurable joy.
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