Bree Conklin, at the age of 27, received a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD). It wasn’t until five years later that a different doctor suggested she might actually have autism. This experience deepened Conklin’s empathy for individuals with both autism and BPD.
Upon receiving the BPD diagnosis, a male doctor in Germany attributed Conklin’s meltdowns, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts to the disorder. He also labeled her as “manipulative” and “seductive” due to her dating multiple men simultaneously. However, Conklin insists that she did not intend to deceive anyone and simply viewed dating multiple people as a normal adult behavior. She would often go on three or four dates in a day.
Conklin’s interest in the subject grew after her BPD diagnosis, prompting her to purchase several books on the disorder. However, rather than clarifying her condition, the books only confused her further. While she related to some symptoms, such as extreme mood swings and relationship instability, others didn’t resonate with her. Many of the books mentioned characteristics of BPD that Conklin did not identify with, such as lack of empathy and frequent lying. Despite her doubts, she embraced the diagnosis for several years, sharing it with partners and friends while seeking treatment.
To alleviate her symptoms, Conklin was prescribed Abilify, an antipsychotic medication used for BPD and schizophrenia. Unfortunately, this medication exacerbated her condition, causing her to experience frightening side effects. Conklin became reclusive, feeling paranoid about being poisoned whenever she ate. It wasn’t until she stopped taking the medication and began cognitive behavioral therapy that she started to feel better. During this time, her relationships suffered, leading to the end of a three-year partnership and strained interactions with others who were cautious not to engage with individuals with BPD.
Conklin felt immense shame and guilt surrounding her diagnosis, believing she deserved punishment and that she posed a threat to those around her. Everything changed when, five years after her initial diagnosis, she learned about the possibility of being autistic. This revelation brought clarity to her experiences.
During her second pregnancy, a therapist who doubted the BPD diagnosis noticed Conklin’s sensory sensitivities and hypothesized that she might be autistic. This was coupled with the recognition of Conklin’s PTSD and trauma, which were likely exacerbating her symptoms. Conklin was initially unfamiliar with autism but began researching the condition. She soon realized that the symptoms aligned with her own experiences. Emotional dysregulation and mood swings, common symptoms of both BPD and autism, suddenly made sense to her.
Conklin encountered a two-year waitlist before receiving a formal autism diagnosis, but the journey was transformative for her. It marked a turning point in her life where she could finally show kindness and compassion to herself. Additionally, she encouraged a friend who had been diagnosed with BPD to seek another opinion, leading to the discovery that her friend actually had autism and ADHD.
This experience shed light on the immense stigma surrounding both autism and BPD. Misdiagnosed autistic individuals often face judgment and lack of support, which can result in depression and higher rates of self-harm and suicidality. Furthermore, autistic women and gender-nonconforming individuals are more prone to misdiagnosis, influenced by gender bias and stereotypes portrayed in the media.
Similarly, there is a significant stigma surrounding BPD, even within the mental health field, with therapists reluctant to work with individuals diagnosed with the disorder. Conklin noticed a distinct shift in how people treated her after receiving each diagnosis. The German doctor viewed her as flirtatious and insincere due to the presumed BPD diagnosis, while her autism diagnosis garnered more understanding and support. Previously denied disability benefits, Conklin was finally granted them with the autism diagnosis. Her ex-husband also exhibited more patience once he learned of her autism, opting against pursuing full custody of their son.
However, being recognized as autistic sometimes results in Conklin feeling infantilized. In one instance, doctors prepared to restrain her for a colonoscopy, a situation that would only exacerbate her anxiety. Conklin’s experience instilled empathy not only for misdiagnosed autistic individuals but also for those with BPD.
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