A captivating statue of Cristiano Ronaldo stands tall amidst a crowd of admirers, eagerly waiting their turn to take a photo with the legend. From my vantage point, perched atop the Pestana CR7 hotel in Funchal, Madeira, I observe this spectacle. This hotel is not your typical lodging; it is an immersive journey into the psyche of a narcissist. Ronaldo’s omnipresence is undeniable. Signed jerseys from his stints at Manchester United, Real Madrid, and the Portugal national team adorn the walls. His face greets guests on the facade, bathroom mirrors, the main suite door, and above every bed. Undeniably, this is Ronaldo Island, where even the airport bears his name.
The hotel itself boasts peculiarities that add to its charm. Dummy CCTV cameras in the bathrooms with a view of the shower serve as a quirky novelty. Concerned, I cover mine with a towel, just in case. Thankfully, my purpose for being here extends beyond the CR7 experience. I am visiting my uncle in Machico, the historical capital of Madeira, located a half-hour drive from Funchal. If you do find yourself here, after paying homage to the Portuguese superstar and exploring the streets of Funchal, I implore you to venture out of the city and discover the island’s hidden gems.
I am fortunate to have my uncle Pete, not my biological uncle but a former caretaker from my time in a children’s home, as my guide for the week. He has retired to Madeira and is looking after a villa for a friend, which means I save on accommodation costs. However, there are excellent deals to be found all across the island, especially during the off-peak season. With its subtropical climate and year-round sunshine, Madeira is a destination that never disappoints.
Pete takes on the role of an expert tour guide as we embark on our adventures, accompanied by his loyal 15-year-old staffy, Lulu. Our trusty companion, a rickety old Renault Clio, chugs along the island’s steep highways, through winding mountain tunnels, and along dusty dirt tracks. In my peripheral vision, I catch a breathtaking sight—a bottlenose dolphin gracefully leaps out of the water, and moments later, we find ourselves surrounded by dozens of these magnificent creatures.
Madeira, resting on a dormant volcano, boasts fertile soils that have nurtured a lush and vibrant landscape. We pass by meticulously landscaped rows of trees, featuring African tulips with their vibrant red flowers swaying in the wind, tall eucalyptus trees, and clusters of purple shrubs and palm trees. Pete gestures towards the terraced mountainside, pointing out how the staggered steps are actually farms. The challenging terrain has led locals to adopt vertical farming practices, primarily cultivating bananas for the Portuguese mainland and grapes for Madeira wine.
Beyond the main roads, an abundance of hiking trails, enchanting caves, pristine beaches, and charming taverns await exploration. Outside of Funchal, prices are incredibly reasonable. In fact, they’re a steal. You can enjoy a refreshing pint at various establishments for just a couple of euros, and many bars serve drinks accompanied by hearty portions of pickled lupinic beans, monkey nuts, and on occasion, chicken wings and salted fish. For the price of a pint in London’s West End, you can easily feast to your heart’s content here.
After getting a taste of the island’s wonders on wheels, Pete and I embark on a whale-watching excursion on the Atlantic. The boat encounters choppy waters, with waves crashing on deck and drenching me. Moments pass, and I begin to doubt the worth of this adventure as we haven’t caught even a glimpse of a fin after an hour. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spot a bottlenose dolphin elegantly leaping out of the water. Within moments, we find ourselves surrounded by numerous dolphins. The skipper drops anchor and invites us to take a dip, with a few of these magnificent creatures playfully swimming over to inspect us. I decide to remain on board, unable to swim, yet still able to appreciate the adorable rascals from the safety of my perch. When the pod has satisfied their curiosity, they swim away, and we make our way back to shore.
Returning to dry land, it’s time to explore the wonders of Machico. Pete seems to know all the bar owners in town on a first-name basis. “Every pub here prides itself on its poncha,” he proudly proclaims. Poncha is a fruity cocktail traditionally made with honey, sugar, lemon and orange juice, and aguardiente, a local spirit. “Try this, it will knock your socks off!” Pete exclaims, handing me a glass. As the liquid burns down my throat, I inquire if he plans to join me. “No chance,” he replies with a chuckle.
It’s evident that Pete loves this place, and it’s easy to see why. The mountainous landscape exudes tranquility, the locals are friendly, the cost of living is much lower than in the UK, and the pace of life, especially in Machico, is perfect for retirement.
While Madeira offers the typical pleasures of piña coladas, sun loungers, and traditional holiday experiences, this island has so much more to offer. It caters to all tastes and preferences, providing something special for every visitor.
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