Discover How to Encourage Gratitude in Your Adult Sons: Unveiling the Struggles of Our Generous Visits – Ask Amy

Susan: You are the parents of these adults. You’ve given and given and continue to give. Yes, this might be awkward, but please don’t run from awkward. Many powerful insights have been delivered by people brave enough to initiate an awkward conversation. Because your sons don’t seem to have quite completed their childhoods, I suggest that you take this next step as a vital parenting lesson you have yet to impart.

Here’s the message: “Guys, it’s time to step up. Now that you’re all adults, we really do expect you to reciprocate when we host you. We are happy to have you come home, but it’s time for you to take some of the burden off of us and assume it for yourselves. We would appreciate it if you’d at the very least treat us to a lunch or dinner out while you’re home. It would also be great if you offered to lend a hand while you’re visiting. There might be little house or yard chores you could help with, and we would be grateful if you offered.”

Dear Amy: My wife and I bought a condo in downtown Chicago a couple of years ago. We are often not there and have offered its use to friends and family. Our only request is that guests leave the condo tidy when they depart. This includes washing the sheets for the beds they’ve used and remaking the beds.

We have a washer/dryer in the unit, but my sister does not like doing this, so she brings a single twin-sized flat sheet and a pillowcase with her when she visits. She puts the sheet on top of the flat sheet on the king-size bed. She then uses the blanket and the cover that we have on the bed. She believes this is sufficient and that she does not need to wash the sheets on the bed she has slept on.

My wife and I don’t think my sister’s solution is appropriate and are considering telling her that if she is not willing to follow our rules, she is not welcome to use our condo. What do you think?

House Proud: I once had a well-traveled (invited) houseguest bring two sheets and a pillowcase, which she simply slipped over the linens that were on the bed. She then removed her sheets and remade the bed at the end of her stay. I think that’s a great hack.