FThere is a growing trend of “Do We Have The Same Boyfriend” Facebook groups in Australia and New Zealand for those who suspect their partners of infidelity. These groups provide a platform for people, predominantly women, to share information about the person they are dating and find out if they are dating others simultaneously.
These groups feature a mix of relatable bad dating stories, memes, and screenshots of cringeworthy conversations from dating apps. The comments section is often filled with spicy discussions. TikTok users even find these groups more entertaining than reality TV.
While sharing stories and experiences can be fun, cathartic, and empowering, some of these groups go beyond providing support. Some members coordinate “loyalty tests” where they flirt with the suspected partner to test their faithfulness. Others engage in internet sleuthing missions, seeking out information about potential dangers. It even borders on doxing, which involves sharing personal information online with malicious intent.
The challenge for group moderators is to determine where to draw the line. Should personal information be shared online to thousands of strangers just because someone got ghosted or led on?
While holding people accountable for their actions is important, it’s essential to consider how to promote community-based accountability and share safety information without causing harm or resorting to punitive measures.
Social media platforms like Facebook are not ideal for fostering genuine community and safety due to their profit-driven nature and promotion of sensational content. Additionally, the legality of posting on these pages raises concerns about defamation and cyberbullying.
Nevertheless, these groups fulfill a need for many people, whether it’s for entertainment, connection, or support in unsafe situations. But the question remains: can exposing unethical behavior lead to positive change in dating practices without compromising privacy and amplifying surveillance?
The dismissals and criticisms of these groups overlook the complex issues that arise when digital platforms infiltrate our interactions and relationships. The scale and reach of these groups have both positive and negative consequences.
While there is potential for technology to facilitate community building and accountability, it is unlikely to happen on platforms like Facebook. These dominant social media platforms prioritize profit over safety and genuine connection. Genuine change in dating practices and community safety requires a more thoughtful approach.
In conclusion, these “Do We Have The Same Boyfriend” groups reflect the complex dynamics and challenges that arise when online platforms intersect with personal relationships. They provide a glimpse into the potential consequences of surveillance and scale in the digital age.
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