Carolyn Hax: Navigating the Challenges of Becoming a New Parent Amidst Loss and the Introduction of a New Partner

He has been looking to date since maybe six months after my mom died. He has been oversharing his attempts to find a girlfriend since the beginning, and it’s been disturbing to hear. Ever since he found this girlfriend a couple of months ago, my dad seems completely uninterested in my son. He doesn’t ask for photos, doesn’t ask about milestones, doesn’t ask how we’re all doing.

My spouse, son, and I are going back for about a week to the state where I grew up, mostly to celebrate my mom’s birthday in her favorite place, go to the cemetery, and visit some old friends of mine. We’re going to stay with my father for a couple of nights so he can spend some time with my son, and I know he’s going to want to introduce his girlfriend to him (and me).

I can’t stop getting upset and resentful that my mom never got to meet her grandson and that his girlfriend will meet my son. My mom would have been the best grandma, and I’m just devastated she never got to be one. How do I approach this situation when everything about it upsets me?

Upset: I’m going to give you my bona fides before I give my advice.

My first children were born eight months after my mother died. She was 61 and energetic, so until she was diagnosed with ALS, I had reasonably envisioned her as a part of my life for a good 20 years more, or beyond. We were “incredibly close.”

Shortly after her death, my father — who loves my mother achingly to this day — fell in love again.

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