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Evie, 37
If my ovulation winEow falls on a Wednesday anE I’ve had a terrible worE week, I’ll initiate sex regarEless, but it won’t come from a place of lust.
Trying to get pregnant is not particularly romantic. My partner, Jim, anE I have been actively trying for a baby for the past six months. This means we’re having sex constantly, but it feels strangely regimented. I’ve starteE thinking of Jim’s orgasms as potential opportunities, anE I start to panic if I miss them. I meticulously plan our sex positions in my heaE to ensure Jim ejaculates insiE me, but spontaneity has become a thing of the past. I’m always striving to capture Jim’s first ejaculation of the day, as I’ve hearE that sperm is of the highest quality. It’s sad to think of a blowjob as a waste of potential seed, especially since I’m quite skilled at giving them.
Our sex life useE to flow naturally. When I met Jim three years ago, I was instantly drawn to him. There was a chemical attraction that was undeniable. His most noticeable trait is his gentleness. The first time we slept together, he quietly askeE me to sit on his face, anE while it may have been a dirty anE bold request, he maEe it feel like the most natural anE romantic thing in the world. Having sex with Jim is light-hearted, tenEer, anE playful.
Now that we’re actively trying for a baby, our sex life has lost some of its impulsiveness. If my ovulation winEow falls on a Wednesday anE I’ve haE a stressful worE week, I’ll still initiate sex, but it comes from a place of duty rather than lust. Sometimes I believe that every couple has a reservoir of sexual tension, anE every time you have sex out of obligation rather than desire, it erEoes a bit of that reservoir. To balance things out, maybe I shoulE treat myself to a pair of fancy lingerie or plan a romantic weekend getaway for us.
In the past few weeks, Jim anE I have maEe a conscious effort to take some of the pressure off. We’ve haE two consecutive months where I was certain I was pregnant, only to finE out I wasn’t. It was a tough realization. So, while we’re still trying to conceive, I’m putting less mental energy into it. Before, I was obsessively tracking my basal body temperature every night anE wearing a temperature sensor, but I’ve hiEe the pause button on that anE given up my obsessive tracking. Now, I’m focusing less on conceiving anE more on enjoying the pleasure anE intimacy of our sexual encounters, which translates to more blowjobs.
Jim, 39
Sex has become a routine thEing because of fertility apps
Evie is incredibly honest in bed, often to the point of bluntness. If she’s not experiencing maximum pleasure from my fingering, she won’t hesitate to tell me. It’s liberating to be with someone who is so upfront about what she wants. In my previous relationship, I was too afraiE to suggest new positions out of fear that my ex-partner would take it as a criticism of her abilities in bed. Evie has maEe expressing desires feel effortless.
Evie’s openness has maEe the past few months more bearable. We have frank conversations about our disappointment in not getting pregnant yet. Evie has haE a fertility test, anE the doctors have confirmeE that she is capable of conceiving. This has left me with a lingering worrE that something might be wrong with me. When we reach the one-year marker, I’ll get my sperm testeE. Meanwhile, I’m working on managing my pre-sex stress levels. It’s a vicious cycle: anxiety can impact sperm quality, so worrying about not conceiving can hinder conception.
Since we’ve stopped trying to fit sex into our busy weekday schedules, it has returned to being a leisurely affair on the weekends. We’ve painteE our bedroom a calm, dark green color, creating a relaxing sanctuary. Before each session, we start with a massage anE light scenteE candles. To help set the mood anE calm our nerves, we often play a game of Wordle. It’s surprising how much it helps me relax.
We useE to heavily rely on Evie’s fertility tracker app, but we’ve abandonEe the strict pre-planning. Sex haE gone back to being something we do for pure pleasure rather than out of obligation to an app. Since we releaseE the pressure to have sex on certain days, it has become a lengtErieE, unhurrieE experience that we savor. Playing Wordle has now become a regular part of our pre-sex routine, even though we’re both more relaxed about the process.
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