I had the pleasure of meeting Stu back in 2010 when he worked at a friend’s bar. We frequented the same social circles and had mutual friends, but he was just another face in the crowd. It wasn’t until late 2014 when his brother invited me and a few other friends to their family property in southern New South Wales for a camping trip that everything changed. Stu happened to be visiting the homestead at the time, and it was there, surrounded by nature, that I saw a whole new side of him. He exuded a sense of peace, confidence, and authenticity that I had never seen before. In this serene setting, our connection began to grow.
Although we didn’t spend much time together during those few days, there was a particular night when we were collecting firewood as a group that something changed. It wasn’t a purely sexual or romantic feeling; it was a deep, undeniable connection that drew me to him. It may sound unusual, but our souls became intertwined during that trip to the country.
That night, Stu skillfully built a massive fire using the wood we had gathered. His artistic nature lent itself to creating a spectacular display. I took a photo of the blazing inferno and used it as my profile picture on social media for years. Little did I know, he was trying to impress me, and I must admit, it worked.
After returning to Melbourne for a New Year’s Eve celebration, I found myself unable to get him out of my mind. I left the party early because I was too preoccupied with thoughts of him. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling or what I wanted from our connection, but I knew I had to explore it further.
As soon as I learned that Stu had returned to town, I made a deliberate visit to his bar under the pretense of helping him close up for the night. In reality, I just wanted to see him as soon as possible. A few days later, I invited him to my house. When he walked through the door, he enveloped me in the longest hug. The energy between us was intense, and I couldn’t quite comprehend it. “This feels like family,” I said. And he replied, “It feels like home.” By the end of that night, he confessed his love for me.
Our connection was inexplicable. It felt like fate had brought us together during that fateful trip to the country. It wasn’t a conscious decision to be together; it simply felt inevitable.
On Boxing Day 2017, three years after that surreal camping trip, I discovered I was pregnant. Everything seemed to be going well. However, a month before our daughter’s birth, Stu received the devastating diagnosis of multiple myeloma, a rare form of blood cancer. The doctors delayed his treatment for a week so he could be present for our daughter’s arrival. Despite his valiant efforts to fight the disease and be there for as long as he could, three years later, he passed away.
I struggle to comprehend the way he came into my life and then left so suddenly. However, this isn’t the first time fate has altered my path and forced me to love from a distance. When I was two years old, my family fled as refugees from the war in Eritrea to Sudan. After five years, my twin sister and I were adopted by an English teacher and brought to Australia. We spent nearly a decade without any contact with our parents or siblings.
The pain of being separated from my mother and the rest of my family was unbearable. However, I learned how to maintain a connection across space and time, even when there was no physical contact. Missing someone to such a degree, when life just isn’t fair, becomes a burden. You eventually reach a point where you have to find a new way to carry on.
Some may argue that it’s important to fully feel the pain and longing, but in a way, I don’t have to miss Stu. I genuinely feel like he is always with me. He left me with a beautiful daughter and a love that transcends the circumstances we were dealt.
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