Divorce, although a harsh and deceptive word, is not always a sudden or final event. It is often a long time coming, with ripple effects felt by everyone involved long after the process is over. However, amidst the hurt and loss, there can be positive outcomes. Divorce can be a shedding of old skin, leading to a redefined self and a new future.
Documentary photographer Harry Borden explores the complexity of divorce in his new book, “On Divorce.” Through conversations with 47 individuals, including his own son, Borden highlights their experiences and the lasting impact of “the split.” Borden’s sensitive portraits and the accompanying interviews bring the humanity back into the conversation surrounding divorce. The interviewees show remarkable emotional openness, displaying their capacity for understanding and reinvention even after such a difficult time.
The stories shared by those in the book demonstrate that there are no set rules for divorce; each experience is unique. Borden’s own divorce in 2009 was initially horrendous, filled with shame and a feeling of failure. However, over time, a new and astonishing friendship blossomed between him and his former wife.
One interviewee, Jane, reflects on her divorce experience and the subsequent blossoming of a friendship with her ex-husband. They grew distant over the years, lost the ability to communicate, and it seemed inevitable that they would part ways. As Jane began to rebuild her life after the divorce, she realized that marriage was merely a set of ideas. She recognized that nothing truly bad had happened, and she eventually fell in love again. Through all these changes, a friendship began to bloom between her and her ex-husband.
Another interviewee, Lesley, had three marriages with different outcomes. While the first marriage ended after a short time, she still cherishes her eldest son as the best thing that came out of it. The second marriage had its ups and downs, but Lesley found happiness even after the divorce. In her current loving relationship, she appreciates the importance of finding someone who makes her laugh.
Anupama reflects on her marriage, acknowledging that she loved her ex-husband but realizes their versions of love were different. She found a new partner, Kate, and has formed a unique family dynamic. Anupama’s daughter and Kate get along well, and they often spend time together as a family.
Jonathan and Hilary’s story highlights the complexity of betrayal and forgiveness. Jonathan fell in love with someone else while he was still with Hilary, causing immense guilt. However, with time and honesty, they were able to rebuild their relationship as friends. Hilary acknowledged that she never stopped loving Jonathan, but she recognized that they couldn’t continue as a couple. Despite the pain, they maintained a deep bond and affection for each other.
Annette reflects on her own marriage, realizing she and her husband had very little in common. The divorce was a difficult and drawn-out process, taking a toll on her health. However, she finally had the chance to create a happy and settled family life, something she always longed for.
In conclusion, divorce is a complex and personal experience. Through Harry Borden’s book, we gain insight into the stories of individuals who have navigated through the difficult process of divorce. These stories demonstrate that divorce is not the end but can lead to positive transformations, personal growth, and redefined relationships.
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