The Moment I Knew: Finding Love in Uncertainty
I had seen Trenna a couple of times through mutual friends, but we didn’t show much interest in each other at first. She was a smoker and I had a beard – both traits that put us off. However, in early January 1988, something changed. We found ourselves at the same party. As a New Year’s resolution, Trenna had given up smoking, and I had shaved my beard for a keg of beer. We started chatting, just making small talk. But when Trenna’s friend came to give her a lift home, she took it upon herself to write down Trenna’s number on a bus ticket and give it to me.
A few days later, I called her and we decided to meet at an Indian restaurant. The conversation flowed effortlessly. We realized that we shared similar values and a love for live music. It was intriguing to me that she knew so much about bands from the 60s – unless she was a few years older than me. When she went to the bathroom, I wrestled with my conscience for a moment and then peeked into her purse to check her driver’s license. We were both 30. As it turned out, she had learned about those bands from her two older sisters.
We started discussing her family, and that moment changed my life forever. Her story was incredible and so different from my own. I was completely fascinated with her. Trenna had a genetic condition called Marfan syndrome. Her mother had it too and passed away when Trenna was just two years old. Her father was unable to care for them, and he also passed away a few years later. Trenna ended up being a ward of the state for 13 years. When she was 15, instead of sending her to boarding school, they told her that she had this condition that would likely shorten her life, and she was unlikely to find a husband. So, they sent her to business school so she could support herself until the inevitable happened. Her mother and grandmother had both died in their early 30s due to complications from Marfan syndrome, and she had been told her entire life that she was destined for the same fate.
Living with such uncertainty affects people differently, but it brought us closer. Trenna shared all of this on our first date, but she wasn’t angry or self-pitying. She just accepted it matter-of-factly. I came to realize that was how she viewed life in general. On that first date, I saw how much she had to offer – how thoughtful, considerate, and interesting she was. She captivated me, and I wanted to spend whatever time she had left with her.
We stuck together after that and got married a little over a year later. We knew that we had to make the most of our time together. Just a few months into our marriage, she had a cardiac incident. Thankfully, advancements in medical science allowed her to undergo potentially life-extending surgery. She lived until she was 63.
We were married for over 30 years, never knowing when her time would come. Living with that kind of uncertainty affects people differently, but I believe it made us closer. We shared everything – the joys and the struggles. Looking back on our three decades together, they were all good years. We didn’t experience the lows that some couples go through. It was a beautiful life that we shared.
Trenna had an incredible ability to apply common sense to any situation, and she always accepted and considered others. Even in her absence, her approach to life continues to guide mine. I will never be as good at it as she was. I have created a website, trennamahney.com, dedicated to telling Trenna’s life and stories.
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