In-Laws’ Lack of Support after My Son’s Death: Seeking Advice from Amy

Dear Amy: My husband and I endured the heartbreaking loss of our only son, who tragically took his own life at 27 years old. It has been nearly three years, but the trauma and grief continue to consume us. With a small immediate family, we desperately needed support during this unimaginable tragedy.

Unfortunately, my in-laws, who live out of state, failed to acknowledge our son’s death at the time, and their adult children (who are successful professionals) did the same. Just last month, after three years, they casually mentioned that they would be passing through our city on their way to a summer vacation and wanted to stop by our son’s gravesite during their brief visit.

However, when they arrived, they completely ignored our son’s death and instead focused on boasting about their recent material acquisitions. This behavior was not only bizarre and insensitive but also inflicted yet another painful blow to our grieving process. Support is crucial for parents like us who have lost a child to suicide, but they offered none.

I wish there was a way to convey just how heartless and cruel their actions were, but I’m at a loss. Do you have any suggestions on how I can address this situation?

Grieving: I am truly sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one to suicide is a devastating experience. In my own life, my family has also suffered and continues to grieve the loss of a young person to suicide. It changes us in profound ways and affects our relationships and interactions.

You are absolutely right that our society often struggles to understand and address grief. However, even when words fail, actions can make a difference. It seems that your in-laws neglected to attend any services, reach out to you, or even inquire about how you are coping. The fact that they did not show any interest in visiting your son’s gravesite is also concerning.

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