Natalie Morris’s thought-provoking article titled “Grief can take us to the darkest of places – why don’t we take it seriously?” resonated deeply with me. It triggered memories of my own father’s passing and the struggle to navigate the grieving process while still fulfilling my work obligations. Something she didn’t touch on was the added burden of administrative tasks that come with death, which can be overwhelming when you’re at your most vulnerable.
I went through the additional stress of filing complaints with the care home and other relevant organizations, highlighting the mishandling of my father’s death. Sadly, no investigation took place. All too often, the people you encounter during this difficult time lack understanding and empathy.
Despite losing my mother just 13 weeks ago in a caring facility, I am surprisingly managing to cope. It has taken me three years to come to terms with the trauma of my father’s death, with the help of counseling and a renewed focus on preventing the same tragedy for others. However, there were moments when the pain felt unbearable, and I questioned the desire to continue living through such agony.
Natalie Morris truly hits the nail on the head. There are many misconceptions and misinformation surrounding grief, such as the belief that time heals all wounds or that losing a child can be replaced by having another. None of these notions hold true. When my mother passed away simultaneously with the end of my seventeen-year marriage, the loss of my home, the unexpected death of the father of my children, and a diagnosis of coeliac disease within a two-year period, I found myself utterly overwhelmed. While talk therapy and supportive individuals were present in my life, they didn’t address the emotional turmoil, insomnia, loss of appetite, and despair that consumed me.
Thankfully, I was able to find solace and recovery through the grief recovery approach outlined in John W. James and Russell Friedman’s Grief Recovery Handbook. Their methods quite literally saved my life.
Natalie Morris is absolutely correct in advocating for statutory bereavement leave and emotional support to be readily available to individuals mourning the loss of a loved one. These propositions were key recommendations in the 2022 report by the UK Commission on Bereavement. Unfortunately, such provisions still rest on the discretion of employers, and access to services like grief counseling remains inconsistent and often delayed.
We have a long way to go in creating a supportive and understanding environment for grieving individuals in schools, workplaces, and communities throughout the UK. Grief can be profoundly bewildering and, especially when caring for terminally ill loved ones, it begins before death and lasts long after. Marie Curie recognizes the complexity of this journey and stands by individuals until the end and beyond.
For anyone struggling with grief and bereavement, do not hesitate to reach out to our helpline at Marie Curie, available six days a week (0800 090 2309). We are here to provide support during this challenging time.
I was pleased to come across Natalie Morris’s outstanding article shedding light on the lack of support surrounding grief. However, I was disappointed by the absence of a mention to Cruse Bereavement Support, a charity with highly trained volunteers offering skilled support through various mediums.
Dr. Pat Young
Lynton, Devon
In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted by calling the freephone number 116 123, emailing [email protected] or [email protected]. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. Australians can reach out to the crisis support service Lifeline at 13 11 14. For other international helplines, please visit befrienders.org.
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