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My decision to skip my graduation ceremony and deny my mother the chance to photograph me with her sideboard has haunted me. My sister, on the other hand, attended hers and proudly posed in her academic regalia. Even years later, the topic of organizing a photo to complete the symmetry was still brought up.
In retrospect, it may have been unfair of me not to attend, but at the time, I simply couldn’t be bothered. The whole event seemed like an inconvenience. Plus, it was organized alphabetically over multiple days, and most of my friends were called earlier in the alphabet. It was an early display of my social climbing tendencies.
I had acquaintances with a few Cs, an A, an H, and an M who were open-minded enough to tolerate having an S in their circle. There was one T, but he wasn’t attending either, so it didn’t seem like a fun gathering. I wasn’t particularly excited about the formalities either.
Most importantly, it didn’t feel like a big deal. Everyone I knew went to university, so it was just the next step. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t graduate. A close friend of mine, who is now extremely successful, did attempt to fail, but even he couldn’t fall low enough. I remember seeing him walking around the quad an hour before a crucial exam, desperately reading “From Plato to Nato” to compensate for skipping lectures and tutorials. The fact that he passed says something about the value of an undergraduate degree.
Another point worth noting is that UK institutions don’t put much effort into these ceremonies. In contrast, American universities often have guest speakers like Whoopi Goldberg or George Clooney. Guest speakers from the business or political world can be titans such as Steve Jobs or former presidents and secretaries of state. In the UK, you’re lucky if you get a minor celebrity or an alumnus who founded an engineering firm outside of Nottingham. Not to undermine their achievements, but they’re not exactly Stephen Fry in terms of entertainment value.
Now I realize how significant it was for my parents, and most parents at that time, to have a child attending university. In the late 1980s, when Neil Kinnock delivered his famous speech about being the first Kinnock in a thousand generations to go to university, he wasn’t alone. Many people of his generation were the first in their families to do so.
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Neither of my parents pursued education beyond the age of 16. Having a child with a degree was an achievement in itself, something to be proud of, as symbolized by the photo displayed on the mantelpiece for visitors to see.
I recently saw photos that a friend took at her daughters’ graduation ceremonies last weekend. While I still can’t see myself proudly displaying those photos, I do understand the joy and pride that comes with attending as a parent. However, I doubt I’ll be attending such ceremonies myself. My son has already followed in his father’s footsteps by skipping both of his graduation ceremonies. We still have hope for our daughter, but the odds aren’t in our favor.
Perhaps the lesson here is that my otherwise wonderful parents failed to emphasize the importance of graduation ceremonies while supporting me through college. We needed a contract or at least a clear understanding that graduating alone wouldn’t be enough without the photo and the special day.
Because graduation ceremonies are primarily for parents, not ungrateful students. They’re a final thank you for two decades of parenting. They should be regarded as significant events, akin to weddings, bar mitzvahs, and funerals. While you may be the center of attention, you’re not the sole focus.
After all, we did our part. We got you to this point. We’re the ones who deserve recognition. We’re celebrating our BA in parenting. Maybe we didn’t get a first-class degree, but I think we earned a solid upper second-class honors.
Follow Robert on Twitter @robertshrimsley and email him at [email protected]
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