Last week, Darius Jackson, the father of Keke Palmer’s child, sparked controversy by publicly criticizing an outfit she wore to Usher Raymond’s Las Vegas show, deeming it inappropriate for a mother.
Shortly after, Sarah Brady, Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend, shared distressing messages that the actor allegedly sent her during their relationship, which she described as emotionally abusive. Hill’s messages manipulated Brady with therapy language and slut-shamed her, attempting to control her behavior.
These incidents of public criticism and emotional manipulation stem from an underlying instinct deeply rooted in patriarchal societies. Throughout history, men have exerted control over women through various means, including marriage, societal norms, and expectations regarding beauty and dress.
Hill’s use of therapy language, combined with his own personal struggles with body image and mental health, is particularly objectionable. It would have undoubtedly been traumatizing for Brady to witness him exploit these vulnerabilities to assert control over her.
The “boundaries” these men try to enforce regarding their partners’ attire are ultimately aimed at suppressing confident women comfortable in their bodies. For Black women especially, the consequences of displaying such confidence can be violent. Jackson’s public shaming of Palmer not only perpetuates misogynoir, but also further subjects her to the mistreatment she has faced since becoming pregnant.
People question why these men do not simply pursue relationships with women who align with their particular boundaries. Palmer has always been authentic, outgoing, and unafraid to be herself, while Brady was already a surf instructor when Hill entered her life, initially attracted by the very same photos he would later criticize. This dissonance is part of the allure for these men – the thrill of “taming” a woman whose freedom initially sparked their interest.
Being able to ‘tame’ a woman whose freedom these men were initially attracted to is part of the thrill of entering into these relationships.
This behavior is both despicable and contradictory. It exists within the intersection of purity culture and the male gaze, resulting in mixed expectations and confusing messages about how women should exist. Women are expected to embody both ideals of purity and sexuality, at the mercy of the sensitive egos of their partners.
This insecure behavior should not be normalized or concealed. If powerful women like Palmer can face misogynistic control, one can only imagine the experiences of women whose stories go unheard.
Ultimately, the relationship between women’s agency over their own bodies and the male ego is an abusive marriage, where one must be crushed for the other to survive. As long as women remain trapped in this dynamic, male admiration will inevitably transform into resentment, insecurity, and potentially even rage.
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