Multi-grit sandpaper, a “water butt connector pipe link kit”, a five-pack of AAA batteries, “slow blow” fuses, vacuum cleaner bags, a tea towel, and nail clippers. As I tidy my inbox, I notice that these are some of the recent items I’ve been asked to provide feedback on. The sellers of these high-end lifestyle products, which align with my aspiration to be recognized as an “aesthete” in the Financial Times, eagerly await my thoughts. So, here they are: I have no idea; I have no idea; yes, they generate electricity sufficiently; I have no idea; yes, they are vacuum cleaner bags; wait, I do have an opinion on the nail clippers. The tip is deeper than usual, causing me to accidentally cut my fingertips. Zero stars.
Upon searching for the phrase “Love to hear from you,” I realize that my dentist, who has ignored my inquiries about my broken tooth, also wants feedback. The chain hotel where I left my favorite skirt is also seeking feedback, despite ignoring my multiple phone calls and denying any responsibility for the lost item. It’s time to channel my inner Oprah – zero stars for you, zero stars for you, and for you too!
But I won’t. I despise reviewing things. It’s a challenge for me to come up with opinions for this column even once a week, let alone generate content about draft excluder tape. Can any of us do it? However, we are constantly invited, sometimes even pressured, to review everything from self-checkouts at supermarkets to orthopaedic surgeons. Minimum-wage service workers distribute QR codes to evaluate their performance, while businesses tremble at the thought of TripAdvisor and Trustpilot. Amazon customers leave one-star reviews for books they haven’t read simply because the packaging was torn or the cover had the wrong shade of blue. Alternatively, we can enter the idyllic parallel universe of Airbnb, where reciprocal reviews often act as a deterrent, resulting in even the most unkempt and demanding guests receiving five stars. It’s an endless and pointless cycle.
Moreover, I don’t believe in dishing out criticism when I can’t handle receiving it myself. I would rather never know if I’ve done a good job than risk being told I’ve done a poor one. This isn’t ideal in my line of work, where hearing statements like “I would fail an undergraduate who writes as poorly as you” (hypothetical, of course) comes with the territory. A recent light-hearted TikTok trend involved women conducting “exit interviews” with men who ghosted them, asking questions like “rate personality from 1 (best) to 4 (worst)”. It was entertaining, but the idea of my exes reviewing me like an underwhelming tradesman fills me with primal horror.
However, this fear isn’t unique to me. It’s a known concept in management psychology that we are naturally averse to negative feedback because it challenges our self-perception. Research even suggests that we rearrange our social circles to avoid hearing such feedback. Personally, I believe I simply don’t want my worst beliefs about myself to be validated and cause my fragile self-esteem to crumble. Either way, I lack the “growth mindset” required to gracefully accept feedback and use it constructively instead of dwelling on it for the next two decades, replaying phrases from annual reviews in my mind.
Should I be braver and allow radical honesty into my life? Maybe facing judgment, even if it’s like the infamous Bic for Her reviews, wouldn’t be as dreadful as I anticipate. Research on the “liking gap” provides some encouragement, showing that people tend to like us more than we believe. But what if they don’t? Perhaps it’s not worth the risk. A comprehensive analysis of feedback experiments revealed that feedback had a negative impact in 38% of cases, and even positive feedback didn’t always yield positive outcomes. So, should we all remain silent and stop rating one another (and household items) altogether? I honestly don’t know. And that’s a zero-star conclusion right there.
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