Is Breaking Up Always a Toxic Car Crash? Can We Make It Less Painful? | Barbara Ellen


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essential truth about relationships is that everything tends to go smoothly until real human beings enter the picture. Recently, I came across an article about the explosive meeting between Liz Jones, a writer for the Daily Mail, and her ex-husband, Nirpal Dhaliwal. Reading about their unresolved issues made me feel relatively smug and well-balanced compared to them.

Jones mentions that Dhaliwal lacks self-awareness and takes no responsibility for their failed relationship. Despite being extensively written about by Jones, Dhaliwal is still embarrassed to be seen with her. It’s clear that their encounter was not pleasant, but instead ugly, sour, and shocking. The underlying issue seems to be Jones’s incredibly low self-esteem, as she sees being married and even divorced as some kind of achievement.

This lunch-date disaster reminds us that some relationships never truly end when they end so terribly. It also raises the broader question of why many of us struggle to end relationships gracefully. Society and culture often focus on romantic beginnings, but the messy and complicated process of breaking up is often neglected.

Separations can feel like a tedious administrative task, similar to unfinished homework or missed deadlines. They lack the excitement and passion of new relationships, leading to a sense of helplessness. Interestingly, while there are numerous resources available for finding romantic partners, there are far fewer options for navigating the end of a relationship.

As a result, people often resort to professionals to help them navigate the complicated process of ending a relationship. Even with financial resources and legal assistance, the disputes can turn ugly and unpleasant. Celebrities like Kevin Costner and Ioan Gruffudd have faced public divorces that have further intensified the pressure to maintain the appearance of a functioning relationship.

Perhaps this desperation to keep relationships intact stems from the fear of facing not only the end of a relationship but also the judgment and scrutiny that follow. People become fascinated with other people’s breakups because it’s a reminder that anyone could find themselves in a similar situation. It becomes a spectacle, with everyone wanting to witness the drama from a safe distance.

Now, even the UK government is involved in the messy process of breakups. They have introduced mediation vouchers and are considering mandatory mediation for divorcing couples. While it may seem like a sensible solution to resolve conflicts, it also feels like governmental intrusion into personal relationships. Why do so many of us struggle to handle the end of relationships ourselves?

According to the Office for National Statistics, 41% of couples who married in 1996 had divorced by their 25th anniversary. This statistic doesn’t even account for unmarried couples whose relationships end. Learning how to end relationships calmly and maturely should be considered just as important as knowing how to start them. It’s worth reflecting on this and recognizing that the end of a relationship is a valid stage in the relationship life cycle.

In conclusion, while the process of ending a relationship may be unpleasant and messy, it’s essential to approach it with grace and maturity. Instead of shying away from it, we should embrace it as a necessary part of personal growth and development. So, if you find yourself going through a breakup, remember that it’s an opportunity for self-reflection and a chance to learn and grow.

Reference

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