Comment on this story:
Hi Elaine,
Last year, after graduating college, I was granted an opportunity to teach in France. During my time there, I met an amazing man who completely restored my faith in love. However, our situation has become complicated due to visa restrictions and the distance between us. I’m torn between moving to France and giving up my dream job or getting married to allow him to come to the United States. Both options are difficult for me to consider at my young age. Ending the relationship is heartbreaking as well. I feel lost and don’t know what to do.
Elaine Welteroth’s Response:
Wow, this is like the plot of a heart-wrenching romantic comedy. I can feel the tension in your story. Let’s use this movie metaphor to help you navigate through your dilemma. Stepping into the director’s chair of our lives can give us a fresh perspective when emotions cloud our judgment. Let’s explore different “endings” to see what might work for you.
You mentioned three options: moving to France, getting married, or breaking up. But what if there are other possibilities? Let’s consider choices that feel right for you now but still allow flexibility for the future. Remember, what’s right for you today may not be the same next year.
Firstly, I want to emphasize that quitting your dream job for love is not advisable at this stage in your life. Your early 20s is a crucial time for personal growth, and making sacrifices for others too soon can limit your potential in the long run. Instead, use this challenge as motivation to pursue your goals while finding ways to save up and eventually be together.
Is it possible for you to explore remote work options or look into taking on international projects within your current job? Could you consult an immigration attorney to understand your options for the future, even if they seem far off? How can you both stay connected and maintain intimacy despite the distance?
Don’t underestimate the power of old-fashioned romantic gestures. Sending written letters, postcards, or keeping pictures of each other can create an emotional connection even when physically apart. There are also modern tools like Bluetooth bracelets that light up as a reminder of each other’s presence. Find ways to keep the romance alive.
However, long-distance relationships require effort and compromise from both partners. Are you both willing to commit to making it work? Define a timeline for how long you’re willing to be apart and set goals together that align with your long-term vision. Regularly check in with each other to assess your happiness and the state of the relationship.
Remember, people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Time will reveal the purpose of this man entering your life. If you can endure the distance, you may develop a deeper connection. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll come out stronger and more confident in knowing what you deserve in a relationship. Believe in the love you have found, but also prioritize yourself.
I hope this helps. Stay strong and make decisions that align with your goals and values.
Best,
Elaine
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