I had the pleasure of marrying my wife last October in a beautiful backyard wedding that my parents graciously hosted and covered, totaling $5,000. To our surprise, my wife’s mother gifted us a generous honeymoon fund to take us to France, and our guests were incredibly generous as well, giving us a few thousand dollars to help us start our new life together.
Before this experience, the idea of receiving money for getting married seemed foreign to me as a lesbian. In my personal experience, being a lesbian always came with some sort of metaphorical price tag. However, I soon realized that this was not the case for everyone.
During Pride Month in June, a time when we celebrate the history, struggles, and joys of the LGBTQ+ community, I started thinking about how money plays a role in our lives. LGBTQ+ individuals often face systemic disadvantages, such as disproportionate student loan debt, a wealth gap, and less access to generational wealth. Other factors like race, immigration status, and disability compound these financial challenges.
Unfortunately, most financial planners are older, white men who may not fully understand the unique concerns of LGBTQ+ individuals. Additionally, many banking systems require legal names, which can be difficult for those who have chosen names that differ from their legal names.
I became curious about how other LGBTQ+ individuals approach personal finance. Money within our community can be transient, communal, and scarce, which undoubtedly affects our financial planning decisions.
Let me introduce you to Carla and Claire Sherman. This St. Louis-based couple resides with their 4-year-old son, Linus. Carla, who works at a warehouse, earns $34 per hour, while Claire works in nonprofit fund-raising with an annual salary of $52,000. Despite their combined efforts, they both feel the need to have more savings.
However, their monthly expenses, including a $1,200 mortgage, $1,400 for Linus’s Montessori program, $400 for two leased cars, and $600 for groceries, leave them struggling to make ends meet. Carla is even considering taking on a second job to pay off a credit card, but Claire finds the idea overwhelming due to Carla’s already demanding schedule.
Carla and Claire are fortunate to receive financial support from Claire’s parents, who assisted with living expenses when Carla took a year and a half off work to care for Linus during the pandemic. They also helped pay off Carla’s student loans. Carla, unfortunately, did not have the same support from her own parents, who she believes have distanced themselves because of her sexuality.
In 2018, Linus was born after Carla and Claire spent approximately $7,000 for six vials of sperm, fertility testing, and additional costs associated with their three pregnancy attempts. They had to rely on credit cards throughout the process as they were unable to save in advance.
While in the hospital, Claire, the birth mother, encountered paperwork that only provided options for a father. She boldly crossed out “father” and wrote in “second mother” before filling in their names.
Let me shift the focus to Yassin Adams, a 36-year-old individual with a unique background. Growing up in Egypt, Yassin’s father was known as the “poor millionaire” for his generosity towards family, friends, and neighbors. Inspired by his father, Yassin also takes on the responsibility of caring for those in his life, regardless of their relationship.
Yassin pursued medical studies in Egypt, eventually coming to the United States in 2015. As a former Muslim and queer person, he sought political asylum before later coming out as transmasculine and nonbinary. Yassin now lives in San Diego, earning $90,000 per year as a clinical research associate.
Despite his salary, Yassin lives paycheck to paycheck. He feels morally obligated to take care of his chosen family, considering it community work. However, it can be challenging for his friends to accept assistance, leading Yassin to offer payment for small household tasks in exchange for their help.
The financial struggles don’t end there for Yassin. With expenses like $1,500 in rent, $500 for car loan payments, tens of thousands in rehabilitation facility debt, $5,000 in credit card debt, and $4,000 in medical debt, Yassin finds it challenging to make ends meet. On top of that, he spends $5,000 every three months for hormone care.
Healthcare costs add an additional burden for the LGBTQ+ community, especially when it comes to gender-affirming surgeries. Yassin would willingly pay any amount to fully embrace his identity, understanding that it is a personal journey requiring time and financial investment.
Switching gears, let’s meet Bex Mui and Cheryna Guzman, a lesbian couple residing in Oakland, California. Bex, a self-employed equity consultant and LGBTQ+ inclusion advocate, and Cheryna, a video technician in event production, earn a combined income of approximately $155,000 per year. They have dreams of starting a family, but financial barriers complicate their plans.
Planning for parenthood seems complex and financially daunting for Bex and Cheryna. They often reflect on how much easier it is for heterosexual couples. Instead of a straightforward process, they face endless appointments, seeking a sperm donor, legal fees, fertility testing, and potential in vitro fertilization.
The couple believes that being women of color has affected their income, adding to the financial challenges they face. As a result, they haven’t been able to save for family planning as they are currently saving for their wedding.
On average, intrauterine insemination costs $300 to $1,000 per cycle, while in vitro fertilization can average around $12,400 per cycle (potentially reaching $25,000 with medication). Multiple cycles of treatment may be required, driving the overall costs upward.
In the worst-case scenario, Bex and Cheryna may be prevented from having a child due to these financial barriers. Additionally, access to clinics and doctors experienced in LGBTQ+ health further influences their financial considerations.
These incredible stories illustrate the diverse financial challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals and couples. Pride Month is not only a time to celebrate, but also an opportunity to address and support these unique financial concerns within our community.
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