The prosecution: Maureen Nathan should consider going to a salon instead of treating our bathroom as his personal beauty salon. My son, Nathan, recently moved back home after finishing university, and he’s in the phase of experimenting with his hair. Unfortunately, he often makes a mess with hair dyes in our bathroom. It wouldn’t bother me so much if we lived in a large house with multiple bathrooms, but the rest of us have to deal with the aftermath of his spills. I end up cleaning up most of the time. I constantly remind him to clean up after himself, but there are always stains on the mirror, shower, or taps. It seems like he has gotten worse since his time at university because his father and I weren’t there to reprimand him. He has always been a messy boy, leaving pools of water on the floor after showering and not wiping down the shower. If he shaves, there are hairs all over the sink. I believe he has become even messier since university because his father and I weren’t around to keep him in check. He does things his own way. Nathan came out as gay four years ago, which we fully support. Around the same time, he started experimenting with his clothes and hair. I have no problem with that; I want him to be comfortable with who he is. However, I would prefer if he saved up money to go to a salon instead of turning our bathroom into his personal beauty salon. I did pay for him to have his hair professionally done once for his birthday, but three months later, he plastered pink dye over it to create a new style, which was frustrating. Nathan has had many outrageous hairstyles in his 21 years. At one point, he shaved half his head and dyed one side green and the other side blond. It wasn’t my favorite look, but it’s his hair, not mine. He looked like a skinhead from my era. If Nathan can’t save up for the salon, then he should stop dyeing his hair at home altogether. I don’t want to completely ban his self-expression, but I would appreciate a bit more care and consideration.
The defense: Nathan’s mom will always find something to complain about; this is really about her disliking my hairstyles. My mom has never been a fan of me dyeing my hair. When I dyed it green and blond, she made a big fuss and said I looked like a “punk.” I told her, “That was the intention, hun.” I think she pretends to be concerned about the cleanliness of the bathroom, but the real issue is that she doesn’t like me experimenting with bold looks. She has always been conservative, and even though she says it’s fine, I can tell she doesn’t really approve of my style. She’ll make comments like, “Oh, that’s a lot of color, love.” I get along with both my parents, but my dad is more laid-back. He will defend me if I leave a bit of hair dye on the bathroom floor, whereas my mom can get quite upset. She says it’s because she asked me to be careful and accuses me of being intentionally messy, but that’s not true. I try to keep the dye contained in the shower, and I clean up after myself, but she always finds something. If my mom hates me dyeing my hair at home so much, she could contribute to a hair fund to support her struggling son’s fabulous looks. It bothers her even more when the dye is black and it gets on the white tiles on the floor. I jokingly asked her to pay for me to go to a salon if it bothers her so much, but she didn’t like that idea. She called me spoiled. But the truth is, my mom has only treated me to highlights once for my 21st birthday last year, so I’m not spoiled. If I had more money, I would gladly go to a professional salon, but as an intern, it’s not currently feasible. If my mom dislikes my DIY dyeing so much, she could set up a hair fund to ensure her struggling son continues to look fabulous. I came out a few years ago, and I’m grateful that my parents were supportive. They may think my hair dyeing is just a phase, but I can’t see myself stopping anytime soon. I can try to be extra diligent when dyeing my hair, but until I am earning a lot of money, or my parents enforce a complete ban, I won’t stop doing it at home.
The jury of Guardian readers:
Should Nathan stop dyeing his hair in Maureen’s bathroom?
Their relationship has changed since Nathan gained independence at university, and they will inevitably clash when renegotiating house rules. Maureen should clearly communicate her expectations for cleanliness. If Nathan refuses to comply, she has the right to ban him from dyeing his hair in the bathroom.
Benedict, 21:
Nathan’s comments about his mom and asking her to pay suggest entitlement. When you live in someone else’s house, you follow their rules. If you don’t like the rules, leave. If you can’t afford a salon, find a way to make money or wait until you can live on your own and set your own rules.
Brody, 32:
If Nathan is still unable to clean up after himself at 21, he probably never will. While it’s not cheap to maintain a good appearance, if his mom is reaching out to a newspaper for help, he needs to put as much effort into cleaning up as he does into his hair.
Rhys, 37:
Regardless of what his mom thinks of Nathan’s style, he shouldn’t leave hair dye all over someone else’s bathroom, even if it feels like home. His comment about his mom feigning concern makes it seem like he doesn’t care about cleanliness.
Pom, 49:
Nathan is lucky to have a mom who supports him. It seems like he puts a lot of effort into looking spectacular, but it’s his responsibility to clean up after himself. If he can’t leave the bathroom dye-free, maybe his mom should ask him to leave. It might be better for their relationship in the long run.
Clementine, 72:
Nathan’s mom sounds like a saint. While he does a great job of looking fabulous, it’s his duty to clean up after himself. If he can’t leave the bathroom free of dye, his mom should consider asking him to leave. It might lead to a better relationship in the future.
Now it’s your turn to be the judge. Should Nathan stop dyeing his hair in Maureen’s bathroom? Cast your vote in our online poll below.
The poll will close at 10AM BST on Thursday, June 29th.
Last week’s result:
We asked if Aleesha should stop copying Ella’s outfits.
89% of respondents said yes – Aleesha is guilty.
11% of respondents said no – Aleesha is innocent.
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