In the spring of 2020, a few months after my wife and I became parents, she asked me what I wanted for Father’s Day. Being a new dad, I had mixed feelings about celebrating a holiday that seemed contrived. However, I found myself wanting some “Number One Dad” merchandise, even if it was cheesy and superficial.
On Father’s Day, my wife surprised me with a Number One Dad mug, a t-shirt, and a grilling spatula. I appreciated her effort and shared a post about it on Instagram. But honestly, these gifts didn’t make me feel like a dad, let alone the best dad. They felt like a mask I could hide behind, avoiding the real emotions of fatherhood.
When I think of my stepfather, who raised me, I remember how effortlessly he embraced his role as a dad. From grilling in his apron to listening to local radio announcers during football games, he embodied fatherhood in a way that I aspire to. As a father of two with three years of experience, I often hesitate to fully embrace these traditional dad activities, fearing that I’ll be seen as trying too hard.
“Irony has seeped into the felt of any fedora that I have ever owned — not out of any wish of mine, but out of necessity,” wrote essayist George W.S. Trow in 1980 about his father’s beloved hat. Many dad signifiers carry a similar outdated, comedic, or nostalgic quality. The riding lawn mower, the Playboy stash, the mechanical wristwatch — they all belong to a previous era.
After three years of parenting challenges, like dealing with diaper blowouts and daycare illnesses, I’ve come to appreciate the old dad ways more. Our fathers faced the same conflicts we do: balancing family responsibilities while maintaining personal sanity. In that context, the rider mower represents a precious moment of alone time disguised as a necessary chore.
However, the cultural touchstones of Boomer dads no longer accurately define fatherhood for younger generations. So, what does dad culture look like in 2023? Does it even exist?
To explore this question, I reached out to numerous millennial fathers for their insights. The enthusiasm and detailed responses I received indicate that many of us have pondered this question privately for some time. We have a genuine desire to redefine our social role as fathers, considering the evolving understanding of masculinity and household responsibilities.
Examining the collective responses, several patterns emerge. First, technology and convenience have made traditional dad skills less essential. Our displays of expertise now often occur within digital interfaces. Second, we demonstrate our authority through displays of taste, integrating our consumer expertise into family life. Finally, the new dad culture retains a fondness for childhood pleasures, such as fantasy football, old video games, and Star Wars.
Some might argue that millennial fathers are trapped in eternal adolescence. However, I believe the new dad culture reflects something positive: a shift toward fathers sharing more of themselves, their time, their emotions, and even their childlike hobbies, with their families. We have strong opinions about children’s television and baby hiking carriers because we’re doing our best at this lifelong journey of fatherhood, even without an instruction manual. Can you believe it?
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