Parents who hold the dual role of being teachers possess a unique perspective when it comes to raising children. Their firsthand experience in the classroom, working with students and communicating with parents, shapes the decisions they make in their own families. We reached out to teachers to learn about the things they personally avoid doing with their own children, based on their observations and experiences in their profession. Here’s what they shared with us.
1. I won’t engage in helicopter parenting. According to Katie Niemczyk, a former high school English teacher in Minnesota, helicopter parenting, characterized by overprotective and excessive involvement in a child’s life, is one of the most stressful aspects of teaching. Niemczyk believes that this kind of parenting can be detrimental to kids in the long run. While she acknowledges the need for parental involvement when children are young, she emphasizes the importance of gradually releasing responsibility to students as they grow older, so that they can develop essential life skills such as organization, time management, and accountability. Niemczyk witnessed many parents refusing to let their children face challenges and constantly micromanaging their academic performance, which hindered the students’ ability to learn and grow. Despite the difficulty of watching our children make mistakes and face consequences, Niemczyk believes it is necessary for their development as independent young adults.
2. I won’t make promises to my kids that I can’t keep. Katie Brunelle, a former fifth-grade teacher in Maine and a mother of two, learned an important lesson from observing her students. She noticed how excited children would become when their parents told them about future plans, such as trips or visits with noncustodial parents. However, when those promises were broken, the children would be left feeling hurt and disappointed. Brunelle emphasizes the importance of keeping one’s word and not making promises unless you’re certain you can follow through. She believes that broken promises create a sense of distrust in children and can impact their relationship with their parents. Brunelle vowed to uphold her promises to her own children, even if it meant not making promises when unsure of her ability to fulfill them.
3. I won’t rush to blame the teacher without discussing the issue with them first. Niemczyk often found herself on the receiving end of snap judgments from parents or guardians who didn’t take the time to understand her perspective as a teacher. Some parents would send demanding emails questioning their child’s low grades, while others would confront her during parent-teacher conferences, accusing her of teaching content they disagreed with. In certain cases, parents would bypass her completely and complain directly to the principal without attempting direct communication. Niemczyk found that most parents who engaged in these behaviors eventually realized that they didn’t have the complete story and that she wasn’t the monstrous figure their child had portrayed. She advises parents to have meaningful conversations with their child’s teacher before jumping to conclusions. Similarly, Tyrelle Lee, a middle school social studies teacher in North Carolina, refuses to automatically side with his child and assume the teacher is at fault. Lee believes that children sometimes fabricate stories, which is why he places trust in the teacher as a professional who has the best interest of his child in mind. Niemczyk suggests approaching any school-related issues with the assumption that the teacher has positive intentions. However, she also reminds parents that teachers are human and prone to making mistakes. Instead of attacking them, she encourages parents to gather all the relevant information and thank teachers for their hard work.
4. I won’t underestimate my child’s academic potential. José Vilson, a former middle school math teacher and the executive director of EduColor, would never sell his child short when it comes to their academic abilities. Vilson believes that students in under-resourced environments are often labeled as “not good” at certain subjects due to their parents’ own struggles or experiences in school. He advocates for a different approach, one that focuses on empowering students to outperform their parents. Vilson encourages parents to believe in their child’s potential and provide them with the necessary support to excel academically.
5. I won’t skip a family trip, even if it means missing a few days of school. Brunelle firmly believes that family experiences and time spent together are more valuable than worrying about missed school days. She encountered parents and students who expressed concerns about falling behind or having to make up missed work after taking a vacation. Brunelle reassures them that any missed content can be covered later, but the memories and bonding time with the family are irreplaceable.
In conclusion, teachers who are also parents adopt a unique approach to raising their children. They avoid helicopter parenting, refrain from making empty promises, seek open communication with teachers before making judgments, believe in their child’s academic potential, and prioritize family experiences. By drawing on their professional experiences, these teachers-parents strive to create a nurturing environment that fosters independence, trust, and academic success for their own children.
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