- As a mother of two boys, I’ve experienced my fair share of “I’m bored!”
- Interestingly enough, as a parent, I also find myself getting bored quite often.
- Here are four strategies that have helped me effectively deal with my own boredom.
The sounds of summer fill the air – the splashing of the pool, the sizzling of the grill – along with those dreaded words parents often hear: “I’m bored!”
As a mother of two young boys, I’ve had my fair share of responses to combat boredom. From “It’s okay to be bored!” to “I’m sure you can think of something to do. What’s one idea?” And, when I’ve had enough of the complaints, “If you need something to do, I can give you chores.”
But every time I lecture my children on the benefits of boredom, I quietly contemplate why I struggle to practice what I preach. Shouldn’t I be better at this by now?
It turns out that boredom isn’t as easily handled by adults either. We may have more choices, but we also suffer from decision fatigue as parents.
By the time we’ve figured out dinner, organized pickups from extracurricular activities, and planned a birthday party, we don’t want to have to think about what to do for ourselves once the kids are in bed.
So, we often resort to simple activities like watching Netflix or scrolling through our phones. Overcoming boredom without immediately turning to our devices is challenging, and it requires proactive planning.
Here are four strategies that have made it easier for me to follow my own advice on dealing with boredom.
Investigate the Root Cause
Boredom can stem from various sources. According to psychologist Erin Westgate of the University of Florida, it can arise when our activities seem pointless, too easy or too difficult. We may also experience existential boredom, which involves a general feeling of emptiness or alienation.
Questioning the underlying reasons for our boredom is crucial in determining the appropriate response. Do we need to change what we’re doing at the moment or make broader life adjustments?
Cultivate Flow
Often, I find myself frustrated by the amount of time I spend on trivial matters, neglecting the things that truly matter. It’s not that I’m oblivious to what’s good for me or what would bring more meaning to my life. It’s just that what’s truly beneficial often requires more effort or doesn’t provide immediate satisfaction compared to easier, but ultimately less fulfilling, options.
Introduce Obstacles
Self-regulating screen time can be challenging for parents since we lack external accountability. Relying solely on willpower is not enough. Social media platforms and streaming services can be irresistibly appealing, much like a slice of chocolate cake. To avoid mindlessly gravitating towards our devices out of habit, we can introduce obstacles.
Putting our phones out of reach and setting time limits on social media apps creates friction and helps us avoid excessive screen time. Just as we wouldn’t leave a cake sitting on the counter, we can make it less accessible. We can still enjoy it when we consciously decide to, but the extra effort and intentionality decrease the likelihood of indulging impulsively.
Embrace Negative Emotions
Our children are right in one aspect – boredom is unpleasant. However, it’s usually a temporary state. When I feel the restlessness and discomfort of boredom, I remind myself of a mantra recommended by psychologist and parenting expert Becky Kennedy: “This is not an emergency. I can cope with this.”
Dr. Becky’s advice rings true. Often, if I manage to endure the initial unpleasantness of boredom for a few minutes, I overcome the hurdle and can make more intentional choices.
I’m far from perfect at following my own advice, but acknowledging my own struggles allows me to empathize with my children. Boredom isn’t easy for me either.
Jen Zamzow, PhD, is a writer, adjunct professor of healthcare ethics at Concordia University Irvine, and a mother of two young boys. Her writing can be found in Psychology Today and her monthly newsletter, A Well-Lived Life. You can also connect with her on Twitter and Instagram.
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