Unlocking the Challenges of Building Friendships with ADHD: Discover 7 Reasons Why it Can be More Difficult

• ADHD can pose challenges in forming and maintaining friendships, according to a psychologist.
• Forgetfulness and “zoning out,” which are traits of ADHD, are known to impact friendships.
• Conflict can also arise from emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity.

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Forming friendships as an adult and maintaining them can be challenging, particularly as people’s lives become busier and diverge in different directions.

ADHD can introduce extra hurdles.

Dr. Megan Neff
is a clinical psychologist who specializes in ADHD and autism treatment and has been diagnosed with both conditions. She shared that some typical friendship expectations, such as frequent check-ins or texts, can be difficult for individuals with ADHD to maintain.

Neff provided insights into common reasons why people with ADHD may find it challenging to maintain friendships, as well as tips that may help.

1. You can go months without realizing you haven’t reached out.

While individuals with ADHD can be incredibly focused and present when in physical proximity to a friend, the opposite may be true when the friend is not physically near them.

“Many people with ADHD experience time agnosia, which means we tend to have an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ experience,” Neff said.

This can cause long-distance friends to feel neglected.

Tip: Try setting reminders to reach out. Neff recommends using automated reminders to text or call a friend if maintaining frequent contact is important to them. This can help you stay in touch without adding stress.

2. You can unknowingly interrupt or dominate conversations.

A common sign of ADHD is unintentionally cutting people off during conversations or not noticing if you’ve been speaking for too long.

Tip: Neff suggests observing yourself non-judgmentally in social settings to identify any interruptive habits. By making adjustments without self-judgment or shame, you can avoid unintentionally interrupting others.

3. You can zone out or miss details about your friend’s life.

Another symptom of ADHD is visibly losing focus when someone is talking. While a friend may be sharing details about their day, you might have trouble concentrating and end up thinking about something else, missing an opportunity to support your friend.

Tip: Be upfront about how your brain works. Neff recommends openly communicating about ADHD-related challenges. Simply acknowledging when your mind wanders or asking for a repetition when needed can go a long way in maintaining effective communication.

“It’s truly valuable when we can be open and honest about our experiences,” she said, “especially when the other person understands that it’s not a personal slight but simply a facet of how our brains function.”

4. You can have intense reactions that you later regret.

People with ADHD are more prone to experiencing emotional dysregulation, which involves having disproportionately strong reactions when upset or angry. Neff explained that this can strain friendships and lead to misunderstandings or navigating through heightened emotions.

Tip: Practice mindfulness. Neff advises learning down-regulation strategies to manage emotional dysregulation. Therapeutic practices like cognitive-behavioral therapy and dialectical behavioral therapy can help you identify and calmly respond to emotions. Additionally, quick mindfulness exercises can help you recenter yourself when feeling overwhelmed.

5. You’re particularly sensitive to rejection.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is associated with emotional dysregulation and is often linked to ADHD. “We tend to perceive rejection more easily,” Neff said. “This can lead to unnecessary conflicts or avoiding friendships due to fears of criticism or rejection.”

Tip: Reframe rejection. Neff explained that RSD often leads individuals with ADHD to perceive rejection when it’s not actually present. Cognitive reframing can help in changing this perception. For example, if you text someone and they don’t respond, you can reframe it as them being busy and send them another text, rather than assuming they’re intentionally ignoring you.

6. You don’t fully express yourself because you’re masking your ADHD.

Masking refers to the process of hiding ADHD or autism symptoms as a means of fitting in. While being aware of your ADHD symptoms and making adjustments can be beneficial, Neff cautioned against excessive self-criticism, as this can lead to masking. Over time, constant masking can make social interactions exhausting.

Tip: Pay attention to people-pleasing behaviors that may contribute to masking. It’s important to identify your specific response patterns and gradually learn to be more authentic and true to yourself.

7. Your friendships require excessive maintenance.

For neurotypical people, understanding individuals with ADHD can be challenging. If you forget to text or become distracted, it can lead to difficulties, as others may take it personally.