Unlocking Intimacy: Surprising Ways Email Fuels Our Relationships

Susan, 43

Role play: a form of escapism where I leave my ‘mum’ identity behind

Thomas and I prioritize planning our intimate moments. We both have children from previous relationships, so finding time for ourselves is challenging. With only three or four child-free days a month, we meticulously schedule our time together in advance, including workouts, outdoor activities, and lazy mornings in bed. While it can be frustrating to fit an entire relationship into occasional weekends, we’ve turned it into a game. Sitting down together with Google Calendar can even be a form of foreplay. Recently, we planned a trip to the countryside and dedicated time in our schedule for alfresco sex.

Although we’ve been together for two years, most of that time has been spent apart. Email has become a significant part of our communication. Surprisingly, it allows us to be more intimate and express uncomfortable thoughts. We often use email to analyze and resolve arguments that occur in person. Additionally, writing out specific sexual fantasies helps us explore desires that we might feel too shy to discuss face-to-face.

I frequently email Thomas with unique role play ideas for us to try. These scenarios are often absurd, such as me playing a rockstar and him as a hotel porter. In the past, I portrayed a plumber while he played a sexy bank manager with a leak. At times, we break character and return to ourselves within minutes of beginning sex. However, starting by pretending to be someone else provides a sense of escape, allowing me to leave behind my “mum” identity at the bedroom door.

There are instances when we’re preparing for sex, and one of our children calls with a problem. Since Thomas is also a parent, he understands the conflicting emotions of wanting to be there for your child while also needing personal time. It’s challenging to resume role playing after speaking to a crying nine-year-old. In such cases, if either of us receives a call like that, we understand that sex is off the table. Elaborate role plays can always be rescheduled.

Thomas, 44

Silliness: an underrated aspect of amazing sex

I’m not typically impulsive, as surprises tend to stress me out. I enjoy the anticipation of countdowns, whether it’s leading up to a holiday or a planned sexual encounter. Susan and I take scheduling sex to a whole new level. We sit down together and brainstorm what each session will entail, weeks in advance. How long will it last? What new techniques or positions will we try? It’s all part of our pre-planned excitement.

Due to our different childcare schedules, our available days together are constantly changing. If we only have a Tuesday night, our scheduled sex will be straightforward, involving a massage followed by penetrative sex. However, if we have a whole weekend free, we’ll engage in role play. We’ve even gone as far as preparing props. Recently, I portrayed a vicar while Susan played a horny parishioner. Susan crafted a clerical collar using an old T-shirt strip and some foam.

My previous sexual experiences were experimental, but being with Susan is incredibly enjoyable. Our shared sense of humor adds to the fun. It’s common for us to burst into laughter in the middle of a role play, prompting us to take a break. The time we spend in bed is not just erotic but also filled with silliness. Don’t underestimate silliness as a vital component of great sex.

We have no intention of blending our families or living together. If Susan weren’t a parent, she might feel neglected, but we both prioritize our children above all else. We want to avoid making our kids feel like an afterthought by including them in our dates. When Susan and I are together, we give each other our undivided attention. However, maintaining such intense focus on a romantic partner becomes challenging when you have children. For now, a few days a month together is sufficient. It also allows us enough time apart to come up with new props.

Would you and your partner like to anonymously share the story of your sex life?