Last year, as the world was on the verge of emerging from the pandemic and we had sadly lost several members of our clan, I spoke the words, “We should hold our reunions before we start having our get-togethers in each other’s funeral wakes.” It was a wake-up call to my siblings and cousins, urging them to go ahead with our long-planned grand reunion. Luckily, my words had the desired effect.
Just last week, my father’s side of the family, the Butuyans of Asingan, Pangasinan, came together for a week-long reunion filled with nostalgia, renewed connections, and the forging of bonds for the younger generation. We traveled to various locations including Quezon City, Isabela, Cagayan, Ilocos Norte, and finally, Pangasinan, where our common ancestry lies.
Out of the 71 attendees in the largest part of the reunion, a third traveled all the way from the United States. It was wonderful to meet some of the younger members for the first time. From four generations, our youngest attendee was just two years old, while our oldest member was 91. In my father’s generation, there were eight siblings, but now only three remain. Together, they gave birth to 34 children who grew up as first cousins and have fond memories of our ancestral hometown and the joyous reunions we used to hold there, lasting from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. It was these cherished memories that my older cousins and I sought to recreate and pass on to the younger generation of second cousins.
One of the challenges faced by family clans as the generations expand is that familial bonds tend to weaken for second cousins and beyond, as the opportunities for interaction and gatherings become fewer outside of immediate family and the circle of first cousins. Unless the older generation makes an effort to create occasions for bonding among the younger ones, family ties can start to fade. Although never explicitly spoken, I was certain that this concern was on the minds of my older cousins.
We felt it necessary to break the ice among the young ones, many of whom were born and raised outside of the Philippines. However, to our delight, they naturally bonded with each other, spending the early hours of the morning playing and sharing stories. We thought we would have to encourage them to participate in group activities, but instead, it was they who encouraged us, their elders, to join in singing, dancing, and playing group games. It was truly heartwarming to witness the openness and joy of life that radiated from these face-to-face interactions among the younger generation. I was mistaken in thinking that their reliance on virtual communication would inhibit their ability to connect in person.
Foreigners often remark on the closely knit nature of Filipino families, which is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because the extended family provides multiple sources of support in times of need, whether financial, emotional, or caregiving duties for the young and elderly. However, it can also be seen as a curse due to the obligation to support a large number of relatives beyond immediate family members.
Growing up, my siblings and I experienced the immense benefits of belonging to a closely knit clan. We had relatives who welcomed us into their homes, providing free accommodations and meals during our studies. Others supported us financially with our education expenses and allowances. During a difficult time for my parents’ business, we had an aunt who offered much-needed financial assistance. Our uncles and aunts also served as role models for our professional aspirations. Interacting with our well-off cousins motivated us and instilled perseverance as we aspired to achieve the same privileges in life. Through determination and the support of our clan, we have now reached a point where we can offer support and inspiration to our extended family.
There are many challenges facing our country, but starting with our families, we can begin to mend our nation.
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