Americans are often perceived as sexually conservative compared to their more uninhibited European counterparts. However, there is one particular sexual kink that Americans seem to embrace more than their overseas counterparts: cuckolding. Cuckolding involves one partner watching their partner engage in sexual activity with another person.
In a recent episode of the podcast “Sex and Psychology,” hosted by sex researcher Justin Lehmiller from the Kinsey Institute, Mariëlle de Goede shared her findings from a sexual-fantasy research project conducted in the Netherlands and Belgium between 2018 and 2021. The study involved conducting 400 interviews about people’s sexual fantasies.
When de Goede compared her European findings with previous research by Lehmiller on American fantasies, she discovered that most kinks, such as submission, domination, and exhibitionism, were consistent between the regions. However, cuckolding, a distinct kink that differs from a threesome, did not emerge in de Goede’s European interviews. This is likely because sexually sharing a partner with someone else is not considered taboo in Europe, unlike in the US. De Goede noted that many people find the forbidden aspect of cuckolding incredibly arousing.
Why cuckolding is more popular in the US than Europe
De Goede and Lehmiller explained on the podcast that sexual fantasies often have cultural subtexts that enhance their eroticism for individuals from specific cultures. Whatever is deemed taboo in a particular culture is more likely to be sexually arousing. In Lehmiller’s research for his book “Tell Me What You Want,” published in 2018, he found that approximately 45% of men fantasize about watching their female partners with other men.
Cuckolding challenges the male-centered and monogamous cultural norms in the US, which creates a negative connotation for men who engage in this kink. However, this forbidden aspect can be a major turn-on for some individuals, according to Lehmiller’s research. Interestingly, politically conservative men are more likely to cite cuckolding as a sexual fantasy, despite the term “cuck” being used derogatorily to describe a weak or sellout man.
In the Netherlands and Belgium, society is considered more egalitarian, with fewer prescribed gender roles. De Goede’s research revealed that domination and submission fantasies were more popular among European participants compared to Americans. Additionally, people in these countries are more accepting of non-monogamous relationships, such as polyamory, where individuals have multiple sexual or romantic partners simultaneously. Consequently, the concept of group sex is not as eroticized in the Netherlands and Belgium as it is in the US.
Beyond societal taboos, individuals may be drawn to cuckolding due to their enjoyment of BDSM dynamics or the pleasure they derive from seeing their partner experience pleasure (compersion), as explained by Lehmiller on the podcast.
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