Perspective: Embracing Desires and Challenging the Notions of Being Morally Upright

Sigmund Freud found the captivating allure of transgression and guilt to be intellectually stimulating. He believed that transgression was linked to societal expectations and self-reproach for questioning figures we once held in high regard. Breaking taboos challenges us to our core. However, disguising these personal struggles within the collective judgments of internet discourse, disguised as therapeutic language, is not helping us gain a deeper understanding of our own emotions. This newfound authoritative and all-knowing critic has a tight grip on our minds.

As I listen to my patients, I ponder if we are being continuously demanded to adhere to piety, an unending requirement for unquestioning compliance and reverence, in our current climate. Feelings of guilt and shame linger like a dense fog. Even acts of defiant transgression, whether by online provocateurs, comedians embracing controversy, or contrarian intellectuals, appear to be a confession, flirtatiously inviting punishment. We are failing to truly grasp the essence of our desires. A new form of sanctimoniousness has left us detached from what is authentic and real, leaving us both easily offended and disillusioned.

Currently, I am engrossed in Annie Ernaux’s work. In her published diary, “Getting Lost,” she recounts a passionate affair she engaged in at the age of 50, following a lengthy but unsatisfying marriage. She writes, “It is undeniable that nothing is more desirable and perilous than losing one’s sense of self, at least in my case.” Later, she reflects, “For five years, I have ceased to feel shame for what can be experienced with pleasure and triumph (sexuality, jealousy, class differences). Shame distorts everything and impedes progress.” Passion, and its resemblance to writing, only revealed itself to her later in life. This tale is not solely about an erotic tryst but rather an exploration of the steep price we pay for happiness and the awe-inspiring yet terrifying nature of desire.

Many of my patients find themselves trapped in a suffocating shame that prevents them from seeking pleasure. It brings a smile to my face when I recall a turning point for one of them. He repeatedly expressed frustration, saying that certain aspects of his life were simply not working out. As I contemplated how he had neglected the experience of exhilaration within his own body, I teasingly suggested that every time he made that statement, I imagined him going to the gym. Superficially, it was a lighthearted comment, but it had a profound impact on him. “Working out” had always carried a weighty significance for his politically involved parents. However, for a brief period, he broke free from their influence and embraced a different kind of physical, hands-on work that was both athletic and sensual. During adolescence, he worked at an automobile shop, dabbled in carpentry, explored drawing, and pursued romantic connections. Revisiting these memories sparked a newfound intensity in his life, leading him to explore wild sexual fantasies, question his abilities as a parent who may have become easily frustrated with his children’s desires, and even rediscover the joy of riding a motorcycle.