Paying excessive attention to your smartphone can detrimentally impact your relationships. While this may be an obvious statement, it has taken a team of scientists to bring awareness to this issue. The term “phubbing,” which refers to snubbing someone in favor of engaging with your phone, has received attention due to findings from Turkish researchers. They discovered that couples who reported higher instances of phubbing also reported lower levels of satisfaction in their marriages.
There has been a surge of research on the effects of phubbing on relationships. It begs the question: are we finally becoming aware of the negative consequences of constant micro-ostracisms? As our phone usage becomes increasingly troublesome and potentially destructive, it’s important to establish boundaries of acceptable behavior.
The term “phubbing” was coined by the advertising agency McCann in 2012 to promote a dictionary of Australian English. This was during a time when less than half of US adults owned smartphones, so being snubbed by someone with a smartphone seemed amusing and inconsequential. Little did we know that our relationships would be impacted.
Discussions about mobile phone etiquette began in 2010-2011, but the problems were nowhere near as prevalent as they are today. Liz Wyse, an adviser at Debrett’s, explains that basic guidance used to suffice, such as “putting away your phone when meeting someone.” However, the compulsion to constantly use our phones has reached a point where it has become unmanageable. Eventually, people may no longer even have the self-consciousness to require etiquette advice.
Establishing clear boundaries for appropriate phone usage has proven challenging. Do we mind if someone momentarily lowers their eyes to look at their phone while we’re talking to them? Is it acceptable to use our phones at the dinner table or while watching TV with our partners? How many of us can honestly say we never use our phones in the bathroom?
During the process of writing my novel, “Speak to Me”, which features a woman frustrated by her husband’s attachment to his phone, I spoke to numerous individuals about their mobile phone usage. People, both men, and women, expressed anger and resentment when their partners prioritized their phones over them. Online forums attempt to console those whose partners check their mobiles even during intimate moments. This behavior is depicted in my book’s opening scene, where coitus is interrupted by the throbbing of a phone. This can be considered the ultimate phubbing offense.
At home, I strictly enforce a no-phones-at-the-table rule. However, I must admit that I occasionally play Wordle on my phone while in the bathroom. Does this count as phubbing? Perhaps if it causes a delay for others needing to use the bathroom. According to William Hanson, the executive director of The English Manner, it seems that everyone is guilty of some form of phubbing.
When did our boundaries become so lax? Should we allow them to continue deteriorating in the name of progress and transition, or should we make a concerted effort to reinforce them? With protocols surrounding phone usage in a state of confusion, where do the experts draw the line?
Using your phone during sex, such as taking a call, reading a text, or checking notifications, is considered a breach of attention and intimacy. Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert, suggests that if distraction is part of your fun, ensure it is consensual and consider putting your phone in another room to eliminate temptation.
Checking your phone before acknowledging your partner in the morning was a common complaint I encountered while researching my book. This act of prioritizing the phone over your partner lacks consideration. Etiquette expert Laura Akano suggests keeping phones out of the bedroom altogether and focusing on greeting the person before engaging with gadgets.
Taking phone calls in public transport settings, except when discussing travel arrangements, is generally considered impolite. These confined public spaces require consideration for fellow passengers. Staring at a screen while walking down the street is another form of phubbing that inconveniences others. It disrupts the natural flow of navigating public spaces and can lead to accidents.
Lowering your eyes to a screen during a conversation can be seen as disconnecting from the person you’re speaking with. While it may be an involuntary reaction, it’s still important to acknowledge the impact it has on the flow of communication. However, etiquette expert Diane Gottsman believes that we should extend grace to those who momentarily glance at their phones, as long as it doesn’t become a habitual disconnect.
In conclusion, it is crucial to recognize the negative impact excessive phone usage can have on our relationships. By setting clear boundaries and being mindful of our actions, we can ensure that our attention is directed towards our loved ones rather than our screens.
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