Former New York City mayor Bill de Blasio and his wife Chirlane McCray recently announced their separation. However, their situation is far from a typical divorce. In fact, they are not planning to get divorced at all.
According to a report by The New York Times, de Blasio and McCray stated that they will not divorce but will instead date other people. They will continue to live together in the Park Slope townhouse where they raised their children.
This type of arrangement is becoming less uncommon, as noted by psychologist Lisa Marie Bobby, who is also the clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver.
Bobby explains, “I have observed a positive trend where people are avoiding extreme positions and being more open to the gray areas between marriage and divorce. I have worked with couples who choose to separate but still live together.”
‘People feel empowered to write their own story’
Nontraditional divorces are not unheard of. The conscious uncoupling of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin in 2014 comes to mind.
According to Bobby, more couples are embracing a gentler transition out of marriage, sometimes even exploring non-monogamy. A YouGov poll from 2021 revealed that over one-fourth of Americans express interest in having an open relationship.
“People are realizing that they can cherish and appreciate the positive aspects of a relationship while recognizing that a traditional marital structure may not work for them. They are seeking alternative paths,” says Bobby.
“I do think there is more recognition for all of the gray areas in between.”
While existing in the space between marriage and divorce may seem complicated, Bobby believes it is actually healthy for couples to have open discussions and find their own unique arrangements.
“What I find encouraging is that people are empowered to create their own narratives,” she says. “Many couples find comfort and happiness in establishing their own rulebook.”
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