In today’s digital age, it has become commonplace for parents to track and monitor their children’s activities. This was evident during a Q&A session I held a few years ago at a high school in an affluent suburb of Chicago, where a father openly admitted to tracking his kids’ locations using their phones. He even continued tracking his eldest, who was away at college. This form of casual surveillance has become the norm, with parents using apps like Life360 to keep tabs on their children. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, 61% of parents monitor their kids’ internet activity, and nearly half look through their messages and call logs.
Parents have various reasons for wanting to track their kids, such as safety, curiosity, and wanting to stay connected. And with the availability of numerous tracking apps and tools, parents feel that monitoring their children is simply part of responsible parenting. From a young age, parents are encouraged to monitor their children’s activities, whether it’s teachers documenting every moment of the school day or parents actively participating in their children’s education by monitoring grades and test scores. As kids grow older and gain more independence, parents turn to geo-tracking, reading texts, and checking assignment notebooks to feel like they are still protecting their children. This monitoring behavior even extends to college, with around 32% of students reporting that their parents track their location.
However, what may seem like good parenting in the short term can actually hinder a child’s ability to make safe choices in the long run. Tracking a teen’s every move is often easier than having difficult conversations about topics like alcohol, drugs, and online safety. The false sense of security that monitoring provides leaves kids ill-prepared for the future without their parents. Additionally, constant monitoring can significantly damage the parent-child relationship. Teens resent having their activities monitored, with some feeling that it drives a wedge between them and their parents. The delicate balance of trust is disrupted, and teenagers dread facing their parents after a bad day at school or receiving a low grade. The constant surveillance can create an adversarial relationship.
Monitoring can also backfire in unexpected ways. For example, a mother I spoke with started tracking her son’s location after he started driving. She discovered that he was at a girl’s house instead of the movies as he said. While she saw catching him in a lie as a success story, it raised questions about consent and respect. How did her son feel about having his new relationship revealed without his consent? Will he open up to his mother in the future, knowing that he can be surveilled regardless of what he chooses to disclose? Adolescence is a critical time for teens to develop their sense of self, independent of their parents. This messy process should be given room to unfold without constant monitoring.
Parents must realize that their teenagers represent themselves differently to their friends than they do to their parents. Text messages may seem clear, but the true intent often isn’t. By constantly monitoring their conversations, parents risk robbing their children of the opportunity to explore their self-expression and to share personal information when they are ready. Looking back on my own teenage years, I’m grateful that my parents and teachers had no access to my chats, location, or grades. I was able to navigate friendships, make my own choices, and develop my own identity without feeling constantly surveilled.
Parents who choose not to track their teenagers’ every move are fostering trust. By allowing their kids to make mistakes and understand what they feel comfortable sharing, parents enable their children to grow and change without constant surveillance. Trust goes both ways. When a teenager communicates with their parents about their whereabouts, it builds mutual trust. Ultimately, equipping our kids with good judgment and allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions without constantly intervening is the best way to raise independent young adults. It also helps build stronger relationships with our children, which is something we all desire.
In conclusion, monitoring our children’s every move may seem like responsible parenting in the digital age. However, this constant surveillance can hinder their ability to make safe choices and damage the parent-child relationship. Giving teenagers space to develop their sense of self and respecting their privacy fosters trust and allows them to grow into independent adults. It is through this trust that strong relationships can be built between parents and children.
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