Name: Emoji dumping.
Age: No more than 15.
Appearance: A picture of a black heart and a picture of a suitcase.
Are you taking me on holiday to India, where we’ll dine at the 24-hour Black Heart restaurant in Kookas, Jaipur? No, you idiot. You’re dumped.
What? Isn’t it obvious? The black heart denotes the death of our love; the suitcase means it’s time for me to pack my bags. Perfectly clear.
It wasn’t clear at all! Why didn’t you just write it in words? Listen, I’m a busy person. I don’t have time to move my thumb a fraction of an inch more than twice to tell my romantic partner that I want to uncouple.
This is uniquely cruel of you. Oh, hardly unique. The dating site Finding the One polled 2,000 users and found that a third had been dumped by emojis.
God, is this where we are as a society? What’s not to like? It’s efficient, concise and fun.
It’s not fun! I thought we were in love. Oh, rain cloud, sad face with a single tear, front door.
You’re sad because it’s raining and you’re stuck inside? No, I’m reasserting that you’re dumped. I’m sad, but after a stormy relationship I’m showing you the door.
Gosh, this is making me feel incredibly melty face. Excuse me? I don’t know what that one means.
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