- I always desired to be a mother, even though I had children with a man I wasn’t romantically interested in.
- After having my two kids, I started actively dating women and eventually came out as a lesbian.
- Now, my partner and I co-parent my children together.
In middle school, I developed a rash on my chest whenever a certain girl spoke to me. Despite this, I convinced myself that my attraction to girls didn’t mean I was gay.
By the time I turned 33, I was already a mother to two children – a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old – and I still hadn’t come out.
However, everything changed when I met my future partner, who would eventually become the third parent to my children.
Fulfilling my lifelong dream of motherhood through the most direct path
I had yearned for children for as long as I could remember.
When I was 28, I unexpectedly became pregnant. I had been living with my boyfriend for several years, although our relationship felt more like roommates than anything else. Nevertheless, I thought we could make it work.
Although I had a few romantic and sexual experiences with women, I never imagined openly embracing my identity as a lesbian. As a mother, I convinced myself that I could continue to deny my sexuality to myself and others.
When I became pregnant with my second child at 30, I was thrilled but also overwhelmed with anxiety. I realized I would now be raising two kids with someone I didn’t have romantic feelings for. Their father and I were never married and only shared a living space for many years.
Eventually, my partner moved into the basement while I stayed upstairs with the children. I didn’t give much thought to our living arrangement or my sexuality because motherhood brought immense fulfillment. I was exhausted but deeply in love with my little, perfect beings. I cherished each milestone and eagerly shared the intricacies of infant sleep patterns with anyone who would listen.
A life-altering diagnosis prompted me to confront my mortality and reassess my existence
Although I first experienced symptoms in seventh grade, I didn’t receive a diagnosis until my lung collapsed for the second time – when my youngest child was only 10 months old. The Mayo Clinic diagnosed me with light chain deposition disease, a rare and incurable blood disorder that required multiple lung surgeries and years of chemotherapy.
Eventually, my health stabilized, but I still felt a profound sense of discontent. I was alive and adored my children, but I was merely going through the motions. I was alive but not truly living.
I knew I had to face the truth that I had always feared: I’m a lesbian. The realization both overwhelmed and excited me.
The cost of hiding in the closet no longer seemed worthwhile compared to the personal freedom of embracing my true identity. I was determined to make up for lost time. Eager for the love I had longed for, but had taken too long to acknowledge, I immersed myself in dating apps and started exploring relationships with other women. However, I kept my sexual exploration a secret.
Everything changed when I met my partner, Katie
Eight years ago, I encountered Katie on OkCupid. Our first date took place at a bar in San Francisco and ended with a passionate kiss outside a Lyft. That kiss shook me to the core.
That moment motivated me to come out to my family. I was pleasantly surprised by their mostly nonchalant response. Being completely open about my sexuality everywhere I went was liberating. I hadn’t realized the toll that hiding my true self had taken on me.
I never explicitly revealed my sexual orientation to my children. Instead, I introduced them to Katie after we had been dating for eight months. Their father moved out, and Katie and I grew closer. Our relationship evolved gradually and naturally, so by the time she moved in, we already felt like a family. My youngest child was only 4 years old when Katie became a part of our lives. He is now 11 and can barely remember a time without her. He even wants us to get married so that she can be his “technically” mom.
Everything feels better now. I have become better at navigating life and parenting. Things may not always be perfect, but they always feel right. My little family feels destined to be together. Katie’s connection to the kids is just as strong as mine.
Their bond is uniquely their own, while our paths intertwine but remain independent. I know in my heart that she is meant to be their parent, just as I know I am meant to be her wife.
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