“I’m thinking of firing my CFO,” my executive coaching client, a healthcare CEO, confessed. “She was highly recommended, but her constant negativity and dismissal of my ideas are causing issues.”
While it’s possible that the CFO simply isn’t a good fit for the role, I believed there might be more to the situation. “A major aspect of her job is to ensure the company’s financial stability, correct?” I inquired.
“Yes,” my client replied. “So what’s your point?”
“What if her negativity stems from a realistic perspective on the limitations of growth without jeopardizing the company’s overall well-being?” I proposed. My client seemed taken aback as he saw the conflict in a new light: he had been mistakenly interpreting the conflict as personal, rather than recognizing the inherent clash between their roles. It’s a common misunderstanding in organizations – attributing personal motives and personality issues to colleagues when they’re simply fulfilling their job responsibilities. Fortunately, there’s a solution. Whether you’re a leader, manager, or teammate, understanding the dynamics of role-to-role relationships can help you differentiate between true difficulties and minor disagreements. Moreover, recognizing these relationships can enable you to embrace constructive conflicts in the workplace.
1. Clearly define roles within your team – it fosters cohesion
Every team member should have a comprehensive understanding of not only their own role but also the overarching responsibilities of their teammates. This understanding allowed one team to reevaluate their perception of a “super controlling” project manager who had been irritating everyone. During a meeting where frustrations were voiced, the project manager reminded everyone of their primary objective. “My role is to ensure efficient workflow,” they stated. “If I identify a more effective approach or identify a bottleneck, it’s my responsibility to address it for the benefit of the team.” Once the team recognized that the manager’s directives were aimed at enhancing their work, annoyance transformed into appreciation. Now, requests like using a single dedicated Slack channel for the project were seen as part of the manager’s commitment to efficiency.
2. Remember that work-related conversations are role-to-role interactions
Outside of work, your colleagues may be friends, family, or acquaintances. However, within the context of work, conversations and relationships should focus on fulfilling professional responsibilities. Once everyone understands the various roles within the team, they should feel empowered to make requests and provide feedback based on those roles. A newly-appointed senior vice president had a team consisting of former peers who were slacking off, causing her concern. “I feel uncomfortable telling them what to do since we’re friends,” she expressed. Friends may avoid confronting each other about performance issues, but leaders must address these concerns as part of their job. Once the senior vice president recognized her role and authority, she approached her colleagues saying, “Right now, I’m speaking to you as your boss.” This preface signaled that they were in work mode, differentiating the conversation from a casual one they might have later at happy hour. Clearly highlighting roles helps distinguish between supervision and power trips.
3. Acknowledge that while roles may differ, individuals have equal worth
When an employee received an email from their boss stating, “This is sloppy. Redo it and have it on my desk by the end of the day,” they perceived it as an exercise of power and shared it with colleagues to demonstrate the boss’s ego. Nobody likes being told what to do or how to do it. However, the workplace operates within a structure of hierarchies in which some people are responsible for directing others. It’s important to remember that this is not a personal matter but rather a deliberate organizational design.
It can be challenging to remember that people have equal worth when their roles possess varying degrees of power. Admittedly, the boss could have sent a more polite email, respecting their employee’s personal space. Nonetheless, employees can alleviate the personal impact of critical feedback by recognizing that it’s part of their boss’s role to establish work expectations. While bosses should consider employee emotions, it’s not their duty to walk on eggshells.
4. Understand that the responsibilities of a role may be non-negotiable, but how they are carried out is flexible
A friend of mine had a supervisor who was assigned to ensure government compliance but had a habit of standing over her shoulder, watching her work for prolonged periods. This made her incredibly nervous and led to errors, requiring her to redo her tasks. “I hate conflict. I can’t tell my boss that their management style is problematic,” she confided. Although speaking up may not guarantee a change in behavior, if someone’s actions significantly hinder your ability to perform, addressing the issue becomes your responsibility. Role-to-role conversations are effective for managing downward, horizontally, and upward. Realizing that her job performance was suffering, she mustered the courage to say, “I understand that you need to ensure I’m working correctly, but when you stand over me, it makes me nervous, leading to mistakes and delays. Can we find another way to address this?” They agreed on her sending him batches of work at set times for review. While oversight may be part of a role’s duties, certain behaviors like constant monitoring do not have to be. When a team comprehends that roles have specific functions that can be executed in various ways, everyone feels empowered to negotiate. The key is to avoid assuming that disliking a behavior automatically labels the person as bad. When someone employs hurtful language, adopts a harsh tone, violates boundaries, or actively humiliates others, it becomes clearly harmful. No one should endure such conditions in the workplace. Instances of misuse of power should be addressed through appropriate channels, such as HR.
Yet, when work-related behaviors are simply annoying, the framework of role-to-role relationships can help us understand our reactions and respond effectively. Sometimes, roles such as CEO and CFO naturally clash in terms of tasks and responsibilities. By applying the principles of role-to-role relationships, teams can engage in these conflicts with reduced emotional stress, ultimately fostering a more efficient and harmonious workplace.
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