Discovering the Fearsome Realities of Womanhood Following My Gender Transition

• At the age of 21, I embarked on my gender transition, and gradually, people started to recognize me as a woman.
• I began receiving catcalls from men on the street, which, although validating, also filled me with fear.
• One night, a man followed me into a restaurant, causing an overwhelming sense of terror.

The summer I turned 21 was a pivotal moment when I finally embraced my transgender identity.

During my time at a progressive liberal-arts college, I had the opportunity to openly explore my gender expression. I experimented with wearing dresses, skirts, and makeup and realized how genuinely myself I felt when presenting as feminine. It was a liberating experience, as I was surrounded by a supportive community that accepted me for who I am, regardless of my gender identity. It was then that I fully acknowledged and embraced my identity as a woman.

However, my transition taught me that being a woman in public can be challenging and even unsafe at times.

Undergoing hormone-replacement therapy was a transformative journey for me.

As I started hormone-replacement therapy, I witnessed gradual changes in my body, with fat distribution shifting like glaciers in an ocean, even on my face.

During the early stages of my transition, I noticed strangers gawking at me or stealing quick glances while I was shopping. My feminine voice and demeanor contrasted with my somewhat androgynous features, making me an enigma that some people felt compelled to decipher.

However, a few years into my transition, I fondly remember a heartwarming moment when a passerby saw me laughing with a friend and exclaimed, “You ladies seem so happy!” It was a joyous affirmation of finally being perceived as the woman I truly am.

But along with the world recognizing me as a woman came objectification and sexism.

Before deciding to embrace my true self, I carefully weighed the pros and cons. Coming out as a gay man had already posed its own challenges, with slurs thrown at me and strained relationships. Dating was difficult, especially in a small town. However, I knew that transitioning would expose me to misogyny.

Once the transition process began, I found myself subjected to ogling and catcalling from men in public, despite being self-conscious about my smaller breasts and height, which exceeded that of most women at 5-foot-9. The attention intensified after undergoing top surgery to enhance my chest.

After nearly five years of transitioning, some aspects of the attention I received were validating and even exciting, as I felt feminine and desirable.

Yet, a particular night shattered my confidence.

My first experience of persistent harassment filled me with fear for my safety.

While in a new city, I found myself receiving unwelcome attention from a group of men smoking on a stoop as I walked by. They began making lewd remarks about my appearance, with one of them commenting on my legs. To avoid them, I turned up the volume on my earbuds and decided to walk on the opposite side of the street when I returned from picking up my food.

However, upon reaching the restaurant, I encountered an older man who started flirting with me, calling me beautiful and asking personal questions. As I waited for my order, I felt trapped and uncomfortable. The restaurant was small, and when I finally found a seat in a remote corner, the man followed me.

He continued expressing his infatuation with me, while the staff behind the counter seemed to find it amusing. However, all I could think about was my safety as I contemplated walking home in the dark, under a subway overpass where anything could happen. I feared the possibility of sexual violence and the potential for anger if the man discovered my preoperative genitals.

He insisted on buying me a can of soda, while a staff member laughed. I was terrified.

His unwavering persistence frightened me. I repeatedly expressed my lack of interest and explained that I had a boyfriend, but he disregarded my words and continued pursuing me.

Thankfully, my journey back home was safe. However, I couldn’t help but cry that night. When sharing this experience with most men, they struggle to fully grasp its impact. While I wasn’t physically attacked, I still bear emotional wounds.

Gender transition has been one of the most significant choices in my life, but navigating the world as a woman can be terrifying.

I am grateful that society recognizes me as a woman. However, the reality is that women face harsh treatment in our world. Boundaries are frequently violated, and our desires are often disregarded.

Perhaps this is the most compelling evidence for the validity of gender transition: many of us are willing to endure social challenges in order to live authentically.