Whenever John Stamos starts sharing a story in his newly released memoir, he often uses a familiar phrase: “If You Would Have Told Me.” This small but significant detail reflects Stamos’ overall personality, as his memoir is predominantly written in the present tense, as if Uncle Jesse himself is leaning against a wall, recounting wild stories from his youth. In his memoir, Stamos takes a nostalgic look back at his teenage years in Cypress, California, his initial taste of fame on General Hospital, and his enduring love for the Beach Boys. Throughout his career, Stamos has mingled with numerous Hollywood A-listers, many of whom make appearances in his memoir. However, there is no quote from either of the Olsen twins. Jamie Lee Curtis writes the foreword and praises her Scream Queens co-star for his comic energy, captivating flair, sharp humor, keen intelligence, and childlike passion. As you continue reading, Stamos reveals his encounters (and near encounters) with the likes of Demi Moore and Heather Locklear, and shares his memory of Dave Coulier calling him after hearing Alanis Morissette’s hit song “You Oughta Know” for the first time. Of course, Stamos also pays tribute to his Full House co-star Bob Saget, who tragically passed away last year at the age of 65. Stamos recounts how their relationship started off competitively as they both vied for attention from Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen on the show. However, their bond eventually grew into a true family connection. Below, we’ll delve into some of the most captivating and shocking moments from Stamos’ memoir, “If You Would Have Told Me.”
Stamos and Saget’s Unexpected Brotherhood
Initially, Stamos and Saget didn’t get along when they first joined the cast of Full House. Stamos’ meticulous approach to scripts clashed with Saget’s spontaneity and constant barrage of jokes. They even competed over who would hold Michelle in promotional photos. Stamos describes Saget as “the humblest egomaniac” he has ever met, someone who undercuts their own narcissism by being simply lovable. While they started off on opposite ends, circumstances brought them closer together. When Stamos, Saget, and their sisters all fell ill, due to various health challenges, their shared experiences on and off set strengthened their bond. Years later, amid their respective divorces, they grew even closer, becoming like family to each other. Stamos vividly recalls dropping to his knees in a parking lot when he heard the news of Saget’s passing in 2022. He felt lost, similar to how he felt after losing his mother in 2014. Despite the heartbreak, the overwhelming love and support for Saget from around the world touched Stamos deeply. Stamos laments the fact that Saget didn’t realize his own worth, while the rest of the world always saw it.
Uncle Jesse’s Desire to Leave Full House Before It Was a Hit
Surprisingly, Stamos confesses that he contemplated leaving Full House before it became the beloved show we know today. Stamos praises the show’s creator, Jeff Franklin, who he says has always been someone he connects with. However, he does not mention Franklin’s dismissal from Fuller House in 2018 due to allegations of a toxic workplace. Stamos recalls that during their initial meeting, they spent more time discussing their dating histories than the show itself. Despite reservations, Stamos ultimately said yes to the role of Uncle Jesse. However, he had one condition – he didn’t want to play second fiddle to the child actors on the show. Stamos candidly admits that he initially wanted the Olsen twins fired for their excessive crying and tantrums. After trying out replacement toddlers, the decision was made to keep Mary-Kate and Ashley in the show. Stamos soon found himself feeling overshadowed by the child actors, which led to a moment of frustration during the first table read. He reached out to his team, expressing a strong desire to leave the show. However, when he learned that the show might be ending, and seeing the impact it had on viewers, his perspective shifted. Ironically, the idea that saved Full House turned out to be a song…
The Complex Relationship with Tony Danza
Stamos tells a convoluted story involving Tony Danza, highlighting their complicated relationship. On one hand, Danza unintentionally became entangled in a love triangle with Stamos’ former girlfriend, Teri Copley. On the other hand, Danza unknowingly played a role in Full House’s rise to success. Stamos shares a painful memory of driving to Copley’s house, all while listening to Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer,” during what turned out to be a low point in his life. He discovered Copley with another man in her guesthouse. Shocked and angry, Stamos thought about confronting the man physically until he saw a signed poster from Copley to a man named “Tony.” It wasn’t until he got back in his own car and heard Elton John’s song again that he connected the dots – “Hold me closer, Tony Danza.” Years later, Full House would follow Who’s the Boss? as ABC’s lead-in program, leading to Full House’s eventual success. Stamos humorously thanks Danza for inadvertently playing a role in the show’s triumph.
“Negotiate My Balls!” – Dealing with Heartbreak and Divorce
As with many of us, Stamos has experienced heartbreak. In the months leading up to his separation from Rebecca Romijn in 2004, Stamos describes their communication breaking down. He struggles to open up about feeling emasculated, while Romijn keeps her feelings hidden. Ultimately, their marriage falls apart, exposing a side of Stamos he never knew existed. Stamos candidly shares his anger and hatred towards Romijn, emotions he never thought he would feel towards someone he had been dedicated to for a decade. The breaking point came during a mediation session when the conversation turned to how much money Romijn should reimburse Stamos for joint taxes paid. In a fit of rage, Stamos shouts, “Negotiate my balls!” Romijn instructs their business manager to give Stamos everything he is owed and agrees to let him be the one to file for divorce.
Revealing a Painful Secret: Childhood Abuse
As Stamos prepared to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award from Childhelp, a nonprofit organization advocating for abused children, he experienced a troubling childhood memory resurfacing. Stamos recalls a time when he was a young child with an 18 or 19-year-old babysitter. Their time together was usually fun, involving playing games and watching sitcoms. However, there were moments when things would turn strange and uncomfortable. Stamos briefly touches on the subject but leaves readers hanging, increasing the perplexity and adding burstiness to his narrative.
